Thursday, August 21, 2014

I Don't Want To...

  1. Write anything today
  2. Work
  3. Get out of bed
  4. Be nice to people
  5. Talk to people
  6. See people
  7. Be people
  8. Not have cake
  9. Clean house
  10. Do laundry
  11. Cross my legs like a lady
  12. Wear professional attire
  13. Get dressed
  14. Read proposals about complicated technical hard stuff
  15. Come up with a plan for life
  16. Deal with the cat and his bucket
  17. Exercise and eat sensibly
  18. Be a grown-up
  19. Help old people cross the road
  20. Lend anyone a cup of sugar
So there.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

When People Won't Let You Write Stuff

I really wanted to write about a conversation I had last week with my work friend but he won't let me. I will say that it was about Wolf Packs so already I think you can see what you've missed out on. Instead I'm going to tell you a short story about something that I think I have already told you about but I am too lazy to go back and check. Also I have nothing else*.

So, it's not wolf pack but it is along the same lines of hardcoredness**. A long time ago my room mate and I decided to form a motorbike gang. Possibly after watching Sons of Anarchy for the first time. We had a bit of a falling out when we trying to decide who would be the leader of the gang. After we agreed on me, we had another falling out when I replaced him as my 2IC*** with Albert. Also we realized we (a) didn't have motorbikes and (b) couldn't ride them even if we did. The idea died a natural death although I continued to be in charge without him knowing.

The End****.

*Although, you know when you walk into work and your leg falls into a hole? Well that happened again.
**Frequently used (by me) to describe something that is very hardcore.
***Hardcoredness motorbike gang speak
****I hope you're happy work friend that is no longer my friend because you took away my creative freedom. Be careful or I'll ice bucket challenge you...


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

I Don't Want To Rain On Anyone's Parade But...

...while I commend all of America for doing the Ice Bucket Challenge, I would just like to say that all of New Zealand did it too. In Winter.

I feel like America missed the point - dumping icy water over your head in Summer is not really as challenging as jumping into a cold lake, ocean etc in the middle of Winter. Isn't the idea that there be some sort of hardship to it? Like all those Polar Bear Plunges??


 

Monday, August 18, 2014

Things That Are Annoying But Not Really...

...in the big scheme of things:
  1. When you're driving and you hit a bump and your glovebox pops open. Luckily LA roads are well maintained so only happens every couple of minutes.
  2. When you're driving and you hit a bump and your glovebox pops open and your A/C goes on. All by itself. Cool car trick or shitty car? You decide. I know what I think...
  3. Buckets and cats pooping inside. I may have beaten this horse to death...but I'm still annoyed about it
  4. Having spontaneous A/C in your car but none in your house.
  5. Dogs upstairs that bark when you blink. Which technically I wouldn't mind since they would be great when intruders were around but they are (a) Unable to distinguish between intruders and people who live there that are quietly sitting on the couch occasionally blinking and (b) the size of an eggplant. 
  6. When you have been existing on nothing but vegetables and pickles for months and no one has noticed. Other than your neighbor who apparently was watching you stand on a stool outside your window while fixing a bucket attached to a screen to prevent the upstairs A/C unit from getting the carpet wet on your cats entry mode which was making him poop inside. Good to know that's my environment for shining...
  7. Having a kettlebell sit in your living room and look accusingly at you. Which is not really fair since I have been dusting it. Now I drape a cloth over it so it can't make me feel guilty. I think it wants me to use it whereas I like it more as decor.
  8. Not winning the lottery. Actually in the big scheme of things, this is more than annoying. It's affecting how I want to live my life.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Update to the Update: Bucket, Screen, Hallway Poop Thing

Litter box has been successfully installed in a corner of the bathroom*. Cat has elected to "go" outside. I'm afraid to take the litter box away in case he changes his mind. You cannot win with a cat. Reverse psychology only works until he double reverses it on me and I end up in a vegetative state. They will always win. Albert for President...

*We may as well "go" together...

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Update: Bucket, Screen, Hallway Poop Thing

So, I think based on my analysis of the facts, this has been a complete success. So far this week, he has only pooped inside 3 times. Which is exactly the same amount of times as last week. Exactly the result I was expecting. Launching Plan B - litter box.

Sigh. I have been beaten by a one-eyed cat. At this point a peeled carrot could probably take me out.