Thursday, October 30, 2014

A Summary Of Boston

  • I threw tea in the harbor. Nothing happened. Also, could not find the harbor. Well, I could but it seemed like a long walk so I just took a picture. From a distance. So, tea was less thrown into the harbor and more like...I had a cup of tea.
  • They talk funny. Which I can say because apparently so do I. Also, people here think I'm from South Carolina. Am thinking of moving there so people will stop asking me where I'm from.
  • Boston Baked Beans. Are very elusive. Nobody is offering them up anymore. They appear to be extinct. I think I've found a gap in the market. Who wants to move here and open a baked bean shop with me? I will be managing it from LA. It's very cold here and my body shuts down #bringbackthebeans
  • Boston has beautiful houses. I will buy one. With my baked bean profits.
  • Boston cream pie is not a pie. Ergo, Boston is a liar. Boston is considered a world leader in innovation with all its higher education. You would think they would know the difference between pie and cake. Another gap in the market identified methinks. I will develop a course all about how to identify pie. It will be part of MIT. Engineering and pie have very close correlations.
  • When you arrive at the airport in Boston, you might want to rethink flip flops. It's Winter here. I know, my feet were very surprised too.
  • I couldn't find any Irish people. I think they are in hiding with the beans.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Last Day At Harvard

Here is what I learned:

  1. Harvard thinks breakfast is the most important meal of the day judging by all the food. But they left off bacon. So really, how smart are they?
  2. There are a lot of people from all over the world here.  Only three of us negotiate for a living.  So we're pretty much genius level. Which is sad. Because two out of three of us are idiots. Not me. At least I don't think so - just guessing. Also have not met them.
  3. I'm getting a certificate! That's going straight to the pool room (which in my small apartment is also called the living room)
  4. Harvard students might be smart but they look just regular. Also when I tried to infiltrate, I got caught pretty quick. Apparently I no longer look like a student anymore.  Either that or I look stupid. Am unclear on whether I want it to be old or stupid. Contrary to what I learned, not everything is a win-win situation. 
  5. I can't find the top sheet in my bed. I think they do things differently in Boston. Probably a time zone thing
  6. You cannot ask for clam chowder, hold the clams. Otherwise it's a bowl of white sauce. And they think you're an idiot. Apparently they don't know about you attending Harvard. Will consider making sign or badge. 
  7. Watching people work out in the hotel gym from your room is the same as you working out. But less sweaty. And not so tiring. Quite relaxing really. I see why people use exercise to unwind. 
  8. I have a short span of attention and require regular snack breaks. From which I don't like to come back from. 
  9. Emotions are inevitable in negotiations. So I will no longer feel bad about using crying as a guilt mechanism to get what I want. Harvard said I can. Sort of. Reading between the lines...
  10. When the man from Nigeria (wearing a wedding ring) asked me what I was doing for dinner, looked me up and down then asked what my room number is, I was right to lie.  Sorry room 611. Also, sorry about the German social worked that might also be showing up...

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Day 2 - Harvard Law School Negotiation Seminar

Pretty much nailing Harvard. It's like Golf - so easy. Also, if you need to buy a house or car, take me with you. I will negotiate the shit out of that. But I don't like confrontation. So if it doesn't go well and they get mad, you're on your own.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Guess Where I am Today?

That's right - Harvard Law School. Most people take 3 years. I'm going to bang it out in 3 days. Because I am smarter than most people that attend Harvard Law School. I hope they have snacks.
Maybe they'll give these out with my course completion certificate.  I need to find a suggestion box...

Friday, October 24, 2014

Hawaii - One More Thing

Forgot some more of the trip highlights:
  • My moderate-drinker mother nostalgically ordering a Mai Tai for Happy Hour. My Brother drinking it.*
  • Also...no, that was it.  Except for the fact that I learnt to surf, hula, ride a dolphin, carve a pineapple, make a lei, paddled to Kauai from Oahu on a stand-up paddle board, grew some macadamia nuts and cooked sausages over lava.  No big deal.**

Look how I have cleverly concealed my brother's face.  With pineapple.
*She had a couple of sips but think the nostalgic memory did not include how strong they are and how little tolerance she has.
**A little bit of lies.  Except for the lava part - my Dad really did do that one time.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Why Am I Not A Ballerina?

Beats me. I had years of training. It was repeatedly reported on my exam feedback that I had a lovely smile. Pretty sure that's all it takes. 

They did also mention a lack of rhythm but that can't be it. 

I noticed a bias towards girls that had straight hair because it is harder to put curly hair in a bun and make it stay there. Even with hairspray. But that can't be it. Not when accompanied by a lovely smile.

Maybe it was the wearing of a tutu?  But really, who actually looks good in a tutu? Even when wearing a lovely smile.  That can't be it.
Just look at the arm extension.  And the lovely smile.  Yes, that is a slightly limp tutu that my mother"bedazzled'...
Not your most common ballet pose but I think I've pulled it off.


I think the problem is that I didn't have a proper ballet mum.  That'll be it.  She didn't own one of those flip open make-up cases with fake eyelashes for 5 year olds and she didn't always stay to catch the lesson so she could critique me during practice at home*.  We were a bit more of the wing-it type.  I was dropped off with my hairbrush so I could create whatever style I thought was ballet appropriate** and then picked up later.  If I was lucky, we would have fish and chips after.  That can be damaging to a tutu but the protein in fish is essential for building ballet muscle.
I know it looks like I did my own make-up but I swear this was what we all had to wear for this recital.  Note the hair not in a bun.  All kinds of ballet mother angst backstage over that one.  Except for my mother who thought it looked nice.

Plus there was that time when my father, brother and his best friend came to a recital and couldn't control their hysterical laughing.  To be fair, the lead male dancer (all the way from Auckland) should have worn a cup (or is that just for things like football?) or less form-fitting pants that didn't allow us to see that something else was dancing in time with him...that probably didn't help my chances.

*Mostly because we didn't really practice at home.  Really wasn't necessary because of the lovely smile.  Similar to Golf - if you wear a kick-arse outfit, no one will notice that the ball is still on the mini sticky thing.   
**Sometimes another mother would grab me and spray me into submission so you had to be quick.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Things I Saw In Hawaii

  • Green sea turtle. In trying to get away from a throng of people, I swam out a ways so that I could be surrounded by people on inflatable devices that don't know how to swim. As I was swimming along, I thought to myself, what would I do if a shark came along right now - would I help get these non-swimmers to safety? I decided I most definitely would. Then all of a sudden a large dark shape swam underneath me - not a scuba diver as I first thought - then popped its head up to take a breath, inches from me. While appreciating the nature and beauty of it all, I legged it quick smart in to shore and realized those people were completely on their own and I am not brave. It's a humbling experience to find out that you would let people die and save yourself. But honestly, should they even be out there?


It looked just like this, in fact, lets pretend I took this awesome photo before I saved myself and threw the others to the wolves. Sea wolves obviously.
  • More things from the sea.  In their natural habitat.  

Garlic shrimp
  • Gordon Gecko - buy, buy, sell, sell!

He wasn't real impressed with having his picture taken.  Trying to keep a low profile...
  • Loco Moco - the Hawaiian delicacy of egg, hamburger patty, rice and gravy.  Tastes even better when eaten while looking out over the ocean.  Less likely to give you a heart attack that way.
  • Injuries.  Namely my toe after a stand-up paddle boarding accident.  When dismounting, try not to rake your foot over sharp objects in the water.  Clearly it was broken but I bravely pushed on through...
I hardly cried at all.
  •  Small children on Waikiki beach having a lovely time making sand castles and decorating them with cigarette butts.