I'm pretty sure I have a bunch of stories about Hawaii but right now all I can think about is the plane ride home. Which, by the way, I should never have been on - I should have won the lottery from three weeks ago that I finally checked. But I think they gave me the wrong ticket. Because this one wasn't a winning one. To be honest, it was a bit shit and I only got one number so I think I'll go see if I can exchange it. Pretty sure that's cool.
Anyway, I'm on a plane coming back to LA from Hawaii - I find my window seat next to a kid about 9 years old. He was absorbed in whatever game system I am too old and uncool to recognize so I knew he wasn't going to be any trouble. However, what was trouble was the women in the middle row. All of a sudden I heard her cussing out the elderly woman sitting in front of her who had asked if she would mind not bumping her seat so much. Apparently the "bumper" was using multiple disinfectant baby wipes to wipe down all four seat in her row and her arse kept knocking the seats in front. After the polite request was made, Bumper launched into the fact that her son would die from anaphylactic* shock if the area was not completely decontaminated and what kind of person attacked a disabled child. The elderly woman didn't know where to look or how to defend herself. While I don't know if the aforementioned child was in fact disabled, I do know for a fact that he was absolutely mortified by his mother's behavior and was quite possibly praying to go into anaphylactic shock so as to avoid the drama of it all. To my disappointment, after a lot of under the breath muttering, the drama petered out and there was no fight on the tarmac resulting in the flight being cancelled and me staying in Hawaii for one more day. So, I ask you, what was the point?
To make matter worse - for the first time ever, my Kindle decided it didn't want to leave Hawaii either and went into a sulk, refusing to turn on. Who knew it liked sand in its crevices? So without anything to read, I turned to the movies - for which you have to pay for and for which I find very annoying**. I picked the movie, Belle. Five minutes into it after a soliloquy by a man about the awesomeness of his manly member, I realized this was probably not the right movie. Turns out, Belle is not on offer anymore but they hadn't updated it and I was actually watching Dom Hemingway. Which I did not want to watch. I pushed the attendant call button and 15 minutes later*** when they arrived, pointed out the error. They offered to refund my money so I could pick something else. Which I attempted to do before the system completely collapsed. Honestly, I hardly pushed any of the buttons and I only called it a f*%&head once. So there I am 5 hours and 40 minutes ahead of me and nothing to do but entertain myself. After 5 minutes, I realized I am very boring, took a sleeping pill and passed out. I am an excellent flyer.
*For the record, spellcheck keeps trying to change "anaphylactic" to "prophylactic" which I'm pretty sure is very different. Possibly one can get anaphylactic after prophylactic contact?
**Hawaiian Airlines - not a shout-out, more of a veiled threat.
***Imagine if I had anaphylactic shock? What would have happened then? I tell you what would have happened, I would be dead. Nice job, Hawaiian Airlines.
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