2014 Thanksgiving - Things I Am Thankful For

1. Someone else making Thanksgiving dinner
2. My Math ability
3. Some other things that I can't think of right now but am clearly very thankful for
4. My family. You have to put that one in otherwise you look mean.
5. That I can still fit into my jeans. No, not those ones. The post-Thanksgiving ones.
6. My breasts. They stop people looking at my thighs. What? Just trying a little turkey body part humor...don't make me whip out the wattle waddle.
7. My enormous brain. What? The title is not "Things I am thankful for and humble about."
8. My extreme beauty. Well, I may as well go for gold. Thanksgiving comes but once a year
9. My amazing goodness and kind heart. Ok, fine, That's pushing it.
10. The roof over my head. But not the bloody people that live on my roof. They need to stay very still inside their house and not move. Until I leave.
11. Yoga. And people that teach yoga. And my yoga pants. But mostly my yoga pants. There is a lot of room for error in yoga pants.
12. Not my hair. It's not what I wanted. Where is the long mermaid like locks that I'm owed? More than 30 years of growing it and where is my carefree weekend messy yoga bun? What I have is the size of a walnut shell on the top of my head. Nothing about that says carefree.*
13. Albert. Well, duh.
14. My Mazda - you just hang in there a little bit longer. Hey, how about we get your oil changed next week? Would you like that?
15. Sunshine. While the rest of the country freezes, we don't. Hahahahahaha.

*You have to put something in that you're not thankful for. It's like writing a performance review, you can't just talk about how great you are, you have to add something that you plan on working on. And you can't  call it a weakness or a lack of skills or even more bluntly "something you're a bit shit at". It's an "area of opportunity". I wrote this after I wrote my annual performance review. For which, by the way, I have given myself 14 gold stars, 11 silver ones, 203 brownie points and a big round of applause. There was no mention of the ratings system so I added my own...