When Things Get Hard...I Come Up With Solutions

• "Check Engine" light came on in my car. I tried driving around and wiggling the car in a zigzag-like way, in case the recent oil change shook something loose and made the light come on*. Didn't work. Just going to buy a new car instead.
• Timer on dryer doesn't work. Just stopped using dryer. Put clothes in spare room and turned heat on high.
• Plant died. Left it there as warning to other plants not to step out of line.
• Hem fell down on dress. Gave it to Goodwill.
• Cat lost his eye. Let him keep the other one.
• No eggs left in the fridge.  Went without**
• Got leg stuck in aerial silk class.  Hung casually upside down as if no big deal. Tried to look like I was meant to be there, which meant refusing offer of help to get down. I'm going to need someone to bring me a snack.
• My teeth fell out in someone's ear***. 

I know, I know - this just had such a favorable response that I'm trying to work it into every post...

Basically, I don't care whether the glass is half full or half empty, I just want there to be wine in it.

*Hey - it could happen.
**And by without, I mean, drove to cafe and made them cook me eggs.
***I actually have no solution for this. Everybody loses. Except me cos lots of people want to look at this and I think that means - "cash cow"!

Cool Things to Do.

1. You know what would be a cool thing for a celebrity to do? Ask a regular person if they can take a picture with them. I'm going to start asking regular people if they'll be in my photo*
2. Borrow a white van**, park it on a busy road, get out your hair dryer and point it at cars. Watch them slow down for the "speed camera".
3. Give money to blogs that aren't making any money***
4. Quit your job and run away****
5. Take an aerial silks and trapeze class. You will think you look sexy doing it until you see the picture your friend took and you realize, you look like a corgi in a blanket. You will hang from the silks by one foot. By accident. And then thank your lucky stars that the silks are secured and you are not in fact being dragged by a horse.
6. Put as many Hershey Kisses into your mouth as you can. And then dare your brother to try and beat you. This is only cool for a little while and then you will choke and vomit chocolate on the carpet and your mother will be very mad. But you will win. 19.
7. Pluck out all your eyebrow hairs*****
8. Put a tent up in your living room. Then you will have a tent in your living room.
9. Form an alternative rock band. People will either love you or hate you. Or they will think you are OK.
10. Make a new friend******.  It's not called stalking. It's called friendship.  

*Also, I am referring to myself as a celebrity now. Just play along.
**Well, I don't know - try the white van shop.
***This is different from begging, this is a recommendation.  Also, I will unfriend you on Facebook if you don't.  But, it's just a suggestion...
****Sometimes I confuse cool with irresponsible.  Also, sometimes I think I am cool. And then I trip over and realize, nope, still just me.
*****Not really cool, just want to see if I have anyone blindly taking my advice.  In which case.  Give me money.
******Dear New Friend - do you ever feel like you're being watched? If it's bothering you, I'll stop...