I have a friend who has never been camping before. She's very much a girly girl and I'm trying to sell the idea to her. Pretty sure one of these is going to convince her, especially with some very plausible arguments from me...NEW SHADY REST CAMPGROUND:
- Bears: Yes - Black (not that the color makes a difference when it's eating you).
- What to do - horses, biking, riding boating.
- Sounds like funeral home but don’t see any dead people in the pictures
- Good trout fishing. Not sure why I mention this, I don't see you catching trout but I want you to know that if a bear ate our food, I could catch and smoke a trout. But I make retching sounds when I gut it. Also, if a bear eats you and there's some left over, I want you to know that I wouldn't eat you, I would hold out until I got to the nearest 7-11 for snacks.
- Amenities: Flush toilets, bear-proof lockers, dump station (pretty sure this is not what I think it is since they already mentioned toilets...), laundry (we're not doing laundry. Who does laundry when you're camping? You either make the commitment to stay grubby for several days and wash your clothes when you get back home or you swim in your clothes to clean them*. I think they mean this for those weirdo's that think camping is for more than a max of 3 days. Everyone knows that after three days, you go home or to a hotel. It's like a camping rule. That I just made up.)
LAKE CASITAS:
- Things to do: Look at a lake that you can't swim in because it's a drinking water supply.
- Bears: Doubtful since I they're probably not allowed in the lake either so got mad and left. Bears are sticklers for rules.
- Amenities: Shower houses with bathrooms (these are for camping novices, we're not novices. Well, you are but you're going to fake it. If we're camping, then we're camping and that means washing in nearby streams - note: am unsure of any nearby streams - and digging a hole and squatting. First rule of the long drop - put it next to someone else's tent or RV).
EL CAPITAN:
- Seventeen miles west of Santa Barbara - if we hate it we can go stay in SB - it's good to have options. Sandy beaches, tide pools, swimming, fishing, surfing. Maybe there'll be a gift shop?
- Bears: They don't mention it, pretty sure bears don’t like the beach. Disclaimer: I could be wrong.
- They have beach wheelchairs so if we get tired…
Side note - if anyone wants to come with us, please bring tent, camping stove, airbeds (or bunk beds - I like the idea of that), duvet, fruit bowl, lounge chairs and kitchen sink. I've got the s'mores covered.
*Helpful camping tip: Put dishwasher pods in all your pockets then go for a swim in your clothes. Bam - clean clothes. You won't find this tip anywhere else. Note - has not actually been tested.
- Cobwebs - it's not even the spiders, it's that you can't see what your face is covered in and removing them is like trying to brush your hair with boxing gloves on*. Also, it's the spiders. Because they might turn into cockroaches.**
- Valet Parking - they always open the door before you have all your stuff so your exit is awkward and rushed and when in a dress, unladylike. And heaven help me if I'm wearing heels as well. I may as well just open the door and fall out. This has happened and let me tell you, it's very hard to come back from and look dignified. And then you can never go there again. I never have the right change AND money for a tip so then it becomes a "hi - here's $2 in quarters and a $1 in pennies. I put it in this plastic sandwich bag for your convenience". Also, I feel like they don't like my music because it's always turned off when I get back in. There are a lot of places I can never go back to because of valet parking.
- Quicksand - ever since Tarzan got trapped in it, I've had a fear of quicksand. It's like bears, you're just not sure what you can and can't do. Although I don't recommend the fetal position in quicksand and that's my go to when threatened by a bear. Which has never happened. But I believe in practice. Oddly enough, quicksand seemed like a bigger threat when I was kid and felt the danger of running into it was always imminent***.
Despite all my fears, I firmly believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except bears. Bears will kill you.
*Verified - I tried just to make sure this was valid. Just finished cutting hair brush out of hair. Which can also not be done with boxing gloves on. Very little can be done. Punching is fine though.
**Unsubstantiated but it's only a matter of time
***Quicksand has never been found in my home town. Which doesn't even make it close to imminent. It makes it very far away and unlikely. Which is exactly when quicksand will get you.
