Movie Review

Recently I went to see 100 Foot Journey. Here is my review:

1. The person sitting next to me was very annoying. I was not a fan. Everything they ate was noisy. Also their breathing was too loud, even though I politely asked them to stop. There was a minor incident when we fought for control of the arm rest. But I don't think he'll make that mistake again.
2. The person in front of me had a non normal sized head that blocked the whole screen. Also they were too tall. Should tall people be allowed in the movie theaters or should they be given the back row? Did their parents think this through when they were making them drink their milk to grow tall and strong? I think not.
3. The sound quality was excellent. Not too loud and not too quiet. Well done.
4. I cannot say the same for the popcorn. It was too loud when I was chewing which for whatever reason only happened during the absolutely silent moments. How does popcorn do that? It's like AI popcorn. It's a sad day when popcorn might be smarter than you.
5. Children. Who is bringing children to a movie like this? Children should only be allowed in their own movies, the doors should be locked and it should be survival of the fittest.
6. Dogs. Just because you have a handbag dog, does not mean you should take it to see a movie. Especially one about food. It was licking it's lips the whole time - although might have had more to do with a sneaky lick of my popcorn. Luckily the super-smart popcorn alerted me after one lick.
7. Previews - there were only 2.  This is the reason I go to the movies.  How else will I see all the movies coming up that I won't ever make it to?  Why only two?  Also, I was late but still. 
8. Air-conditioning - much appreciated and cooler than my house.  The only annoying part is you can't sleep-over.
9. No one showed me to my seat with a flashlight.  When did that stop happening?  For $14.50, I expect to be escorted to my seat, tucked in, popcorn and drinks placed conveniently and asked if I need anything else.  Instead I had to go it alone.  It's a wonder I made it at all.
10. Walk to the theater - very pleasant. Did not get attacked or harassed so consider that a bonus feature.

Graphs With Completely Useless Information

I also keep tabs on my body image and how I am looking when I leave the house every day.  Based on the stats below, it's not good.  I had hoped as I got older, things would improve but this is not the case.  The data doesn't lie.

I am not clear what exactly putting this in graph form does/shows but I've never used this donut one before.

If you need to use one of these charts in a presentation, you are welcome.  For a small fee.  Fee flow chart is below and will assist you in determining whether or not you need to send me money:

Hiking..with children

My friend has recently started hiking with her almost 3 year old. Which is going really well except for the part where he doesn't hike. More carrying, less hiking. He also isn't very good about holding on so on top of the toll it's taking on her back, her arms are also sore from making sure he doesn't fall off. I don't want to cast aspersions, but I don't think this kid is ever going to be as good as me at riding a mechanical bull. You have to grip with your thighs.

For an almost three year old, he's a pretty tall kid - about three Alberts stacked on top of each other high. Not sure compared to Albert when he's rearing up (I think that's horses but I don't know the cat word) because we've had some tape measuring difficulties. He also weighs a little under 4 Alberts* so she's getting a pretty good work-out in.

Anyway, I've been trying to help solve the problem of the arm and back ache - just so you know, leaving him in the car was not even considered by her**. I offered bungy cords, which weren't even given a test run, an old back pack with leg and arm holes cut out*** and a suggestion to try balancing him on top of her head - an old Ghanian practice, except with baskets not children.

Last resort - she's going to try the African wrap way of carrying your child. Apparently, you can carry your child until he's 18 and ready to leave the home****. Since I am a very helpful friend, I demonstrated this for her with Albert. I think this is going to work really well.

I didn't have an African wrap so I used a fluffy scarf that my Mum knitted.  It also looked nice with Albert's coloring.

Here you see him admiring it.

Here you see him resigned to his fate.  I have a very tolerant cat.  As regards results, turns out a stretchy scarf is not the thing.  I took one step and Albert unfurled.  Luckily he is a cat and landed on his feet. Unluckily for me, I tried to catch him and he reached for me.  With his claws.  I was able to staunch the bleeding with my African wrap fluffy scarf child holder.

*In case you're wondering, Albert has kept his figure over the years and consistently weighs a trim 11lbs.
**FYI Social Services people
***In case you're trying to steal this idea, it apparently has already been invented.
****Also, I might have made this up.