Why I Am Cheap Entertainment...*

...compared to cable, casinos, concerts, and circuses**. I think the best way to demonstrate this is by mathematical equation:

If x = quality, professional entertainment at a premium price and y = me: cheap, unsophisticated, requiring only a few clicks entertainment then z = well, you can clearly see below.

For those who don't have quite the mathematical brain that I do, I can break it down a little more:

1. Two trains 150 miles apart travel toward each other along the same track, the first train at 60 mph, the second at 90 mph. If I am cheaper than traveling by train to an exciting destination, which train will arrive first? Answer: Neither because they will eventually smack into each other in a fiery inferno and we can only hope that the passengers were able to read my blog post for that day and get their cheap entertainment in before dying in an expensive deathly way.
2. Al's father is 45. He is 15 years older than twice Al's age. How old is Al? Karen is twice as old as Lori. Three years from now, the sum of their ages will be 42. How old is Karen? Answer: This is easy - Al's father is clearly 1012*** and dead so he has no need for cheap entertainment but he was a bit of a tightwad while he was alive so he would have loved me. Karen is a stripper who gets more one dollar bills than I earn on my blog so she is disqualified.  No one cares about Lori because she is Al's imaginary friend and quite frankly he's too old for one of those.  Also an imaginary friend is cheaper than me so according to algebraic law we are left with cosine exponential square root of pi.  That is all.  Math is so easily explained.
3. Neville has 11 more nickels than quarters from his job as a DJ. How many coins does he have if the total value of his coins is $2.65? Answer: More than I have earned on my blog, ergo, I am cheaper entertainment than Neville the DJ.

*Many thanks to my friend Schmon Smuart (not his real name - obviously), for pointing out that I am the best cheap entertainment he has and suggesting I write about it. Not the first time I have been called cheap entertainment but I choose to take that as a compliment as it's a step up from free entertainment.
**I don't know if anyone goes to circuses because they're naughty if they have animals but it was working with my alliteration and the only other thing I could think of was concubines and I wasn't really sure if they were in fact expensive.
***To be honest, I used a calculator, otherwise I would never have gotten this right

An Open Letter to Craig's List Buyers Cont...

Dear Craig’s List Storage Container Buyer,

I’m so glad you stopped to get your car detailed on the way over to pick up the storage containers. It certainly was worth waiting the extra 2 hours to see how your car gleamed. Perhaps I might make a recommendation? If you are going to get your car detailed - you should get a better car. This might seem a bit rich coming from someone with a Mazda with an oops on the bumper* and a hole in the exhaust manifold but I know enough not to waste $50 and if you turn the stereo up loud, you can hardly hear the sweet roar of the car.

Thank you for paying me $35 in rolls of quarters and dimes because you didn’t want to spend $3 at the bank to get it converted. Allow me to go ahead and do that for you. I don’t even want to know why you have rolls of quarters laying around your house. I assume you’re not supposed to “make it rain” with quarters and dimes which leads me to the obvious conclusion that you’re gun running with the Irish.

*Not really my fault. Only a little bit.

Regards,

Elizabeth** (**Not my real name, I want no part of your hired assassin business, Mr O'Murphy-Kelly) 

Dear Craig's List Hair Dryer & Straightener Buyer,

If it's listed under the "For Sale section on Craig's List with a price next to it, it means it is For Sale, not Free. So, don't be acting all surprised that I want to charge for it. And when I send you the brand names and makes as well as the requested photo because the one on Craig's List apparently wasn't detailed enough for you to see that it was a regular hair dryer and straightener, even though I sent you the exact same photo, please don't act all surprised again, that I want money for them.

And when we schedule a time to meet so we can complete the transaction and you can be on your way to better hair, it's customary to show up or at least inform me that you've changed your mind.

Did you enjoy the email I sent you telling you that I donated them both to Goodwill because you didn't bother to show?

Regards,

Don't Piss me Off.

Dear Craig’s List Non-Desk Buyers,

Why won’t you buy my desk?

Regards,

Albert* (*A cat)