An Open Letter to Craig's List Buyers Cont...

Dear Craig’s List Storage Container Buyer,

I’m so glad you stopped to get your car detailed on the way over to pick up the storage containers. It certainly was worth waiting the extra 2 hours to see how your car gleamed. Perhaps I might make a recommendation? If you are going to get your car detailed - you should get a better car. This might seem a bit rich coming from someone with a Mazda with an oops on the bumper* and a hole in the exhaust manifold but I know enough not to waste $50 and if you turn the stereo up loud, you can hardly hear the sweet roar of the car.

Thank you for paying me $35 in rolls of quarters and dimes because you didn’t want to spend $3 at the bank to get it converted. Allow me to go ahead and do that for you. I don’t even want to know why you have rolls of quarters laying around your house. I assume you’re not supposed to “make it rain” with quarters and dimes which leads me to the obvious conclusion that you’re gun running with the Irish.

*Not really my fault. Only a little bit.

Regards,

Elizabeth** (**Not my real name, I want no part of your hired assassin business, Mr O'Murphy-Kelly) 

Dear Craig's List Hair Dryer & Straightener Buyer,

If it's listed under the "For Sale section on Craig's List with a price next to it, it means it is For Sale, not Free. So, don't be acting all surprised that I want to charge for it. And when I send you the brand names and makes as well as the requested photo because the one on Craig's List apparently wasn't detailed enough for you to see that it was a regular hair dryer and straightener, even though I sent you the exact same photo, please don't act all surprised again, that I want money for them.

And when we schedule a time to meet so we can complete the transaction and you can be on your way to better hair, it's customary to show up or at least inform me that you've changed your mind.

Did you enjoy the email I sent you telling you that I donated them both to Goodwill because you didn't bother to show?

Regards,

Don't Piss me Off.

Dear Craig’s List Non-Desk Buyers,

Why won’t you buy my desk?

Regards,

Albert* (*A cat)