How To Recognize When Online Dating Has Gone Wrong

These are guidelines only...

1. When you meet someone on an online dating site and you arrange your first date and then he calls and asks if you can pick him up because he can't drive because he has a DUI - this is known as a red flag and you should abort.
2. If however, you don't because of some misguided feeling that people deserve a second chance and you go to their house to pick them up and they are taking a nap - you should abort.
3. So, now you've woken them up and you're waiting for them to shower and get ready and they come out in a towel to show you their guns and flex for you. You should abort.
4. If you still persist in seeing this thing through, you drive to the "special" place they have selected for your first date. And you roll into the Denny's parking lot and you should abort. Not that you have anything against Denny's but when there are 1600 restaurants in the US alone, it doesn't feel so special.
5. Now you're here and you're in the heart of the date and it's time to start getting to know each other. So he shows you his collection of pictures of himself on his phone. Abort, abort!
6. Despite the rocky start and the realization that it's not going to go anywhere, you mentally congratulate yourself on getting out there and making an effort to start dating and he hits you up for a loan. For a new car. You excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and you abort. Out the window.