Dating Experience: Lock and Key Party

Today is my one month Blog anniversary - shower me with gifts...
 
Awhile back my friend made me go with her to a party and I lost a little piece of my soul.  It was a Meet-up group for 40 and over (which doesn’t apply to me because I am pretending that I am not 40.  Also I am very immature and I don't like olives and everyone knows that until you do, you are still in your 30's). 

It was a Lock and Key party.  Go on, look it up, I did.  It was at a place called the Lexington Social house which looked decent but I was too busy having my name written incorrectly on my sticker.  "Hello, my name is Kristin and you better read it quickly because this is one of those cheap stickers that’s going to curl up and roll right off onto the floor and because it’s (a) not my name and (b) I don’t want anyone to talk to me, I’m just going to walk away…"

I don’t mean to be rude but I am. These people were old and limp. Mike is from somewhere in Orange County and he wants to know if I’ve been to one of these before. Me: No. Mike: I have. Me: Ok. Take your hand off my shoulder. I have a herpe.

John is in his late 50’s and he wants to know if I’ve been to one of these before. Me: No. John: Oh, why don't you come with me to the… Me: No. Stop looking at where I put my name sticker*. I have a herpe.

*Move sticker to forehead.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.  It got worse.  We were issued with locks for the ladies and keys for the men and there’s an endless procession of ick men coming over to stick their key in my lock.  And every single one of them thinks it's hilarious to ask if they can stick it in there – you're not original, I thought of that on the drive here.  If you’re unlucky enough to get it unlocked, then you get issued with another so the fun can continue.  The best part was the guys that twisted their key in the lock over and over as if there was some kind of mistake that it was not unlocking.  I think some of them were trying to have sex with my lock.  No.  

After a while, they stopped coming over to check – I updated my welcoming face from earlier in the evening and moved it to "don't". One woman came over to our table for a break – it’s exhausting work having keys stuck in your lock over and over again – and I asked her if she had been to many of these (don’t judge, it’s apparently the question to ask) and she said yes, tons – she goes to meet ups all the time.  So, I asked if she’d met a lot of great people. No, she said.  I asked if she had dated anyone – just one and he started stalking her, hiding in her bushes and she had to threaten him with the police.  So, that's good news and very promising.

We left - after the complimentary cocktail. Tried to get into the engagement party down the hall but it was a "Wear White" engagement party and we were in black and they noticed.

So, cross that off the bucket list....