A Poem I wrote*:
String is a very important thing
Rope is thicker but string is quicker
* A lie.
A Beauty Tip:
If you have fat ankles, there is nothing I can do for you.
Building Confidence:
Sometimes you just have to give yourself a compliment. "Damn, self, you got nice eyes"
Dating Tip:
You can't make someone love you, you can only stalk them and hope for the best. Also, it's not really stalking if you're just waiting for them to realize how perfect you are together.
Exercise Reality:
I'm not coming into work today because I did squats yesterday
How to Make up with Someone:
I'm sorry we fought, I hate it when you're wrong
Fact:
Even though you have all tile and wood floors - the cat will throw up on the bath mat.
Dietary Advice:
Instead of milk with my tea, I use wine and then also instead of my tea, I use wine
Shopping Fact:
When you go to Target, you will spend a lot of money on things you didn't know you needed.And you will regret it once you get home but you will be too lazy to take anything back. You should start a "Things I Bought At Target" closet.
Safety Tip:
Always make sure the elevator is there before stepping in
Advice:
Don't do it. I did it and now I'm very, very sorry.
Fact:
4 out of 3 people struggle with Mathematics
I think I'll modify your advice on the Target closet and make a Target dresser. It will be filled with many many pairs of black yoga pants, in a three size variety, and a number of different lengths and cuts.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you've acknowledged that you have a problem. That means you can continue to fill your Target dresser.
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