A Semi-Public* Safety Announcement

For those of you have come to stay with me, you will no doubt have encountered this.

It's the corner of the bed in my spare room. Last week, due to the heat, I slept in the spare room and it attacked me on multiple occasions.  The bleeding has now stopped and it's left me with an impressive set of bruises. I tell you what, statue in the corner at yoga, this bed corner will give you a run for your money.  In the middle of the night when this thing gets you, there is a lot of panic, confusion and WTF was that?  The first night I thought I'd been stabbed and dropped to the ground to roll under the bed and get away from my attacker.  Somewhat thwarted by all the other shit under the bed and the low base upon which I smacked my head leading me to believe there were two attackers that had somehow managed to get past the seemingly impenetrable wall that is Albert**.

• The bed corner can see in the dark. You can not
• The bed corner is sober. You are not. Well sometimes but it leaves you alone then.
• The bed corner does not need to pee in the middle of the night. Well, you get the picture.

*Obviously not entirely public, I can't have any old Tom, Dick and Harry showing up looking for a spare room.
**Fired. He didn't even come and attend to my screams.  Apparently he was "too tired" to get up...