What To Do When Your Flight Gets Cancelled - An UnHelpful Guide

If your flight gets cancelled and the cancellation will result in you missing an important event/meeting/dying grandmother as well as causing issues with hotel bookings in the city you are flying to, missing connections and unknown whereabouts of luggage, then you are entitled to do the following:

1. Cry. Violently. In the middle of the airport. Possibly even a little stamping of feet. But make sure people are watching.
2. Have a cupcake. You have been dealt an unfair blow through no fault of your own. You are entitled to recompense in the form of cake. While this won't help the immediate situation, you can later sue the airline for making you fat. Also, cupcakes are delicious, quite soothing and allow you the chance to calmly think over your next move.
3. Simultaneously call the airline and go to their Service Desk to make your feelings known. Don't worry about acting like a grown-up or being polite, it will get you nowhere. You need to go "full toddler" with your grievance.  You must demand that they inform the wind to stop blowing a howling gale.  You must convince them to take you up on your suggestion to fly the damn plane yourself.  
4. Upon being offered an alternative flight at no cost to yourself, possibly even a hotel room for the night, you must demand the penthouse suite, water flown in from an underground spring in Iceland and grapes.  Grapes say I'm sorry like no other fruit can.  A banana says 'up yours' and an apple says 'I'm not sorry at all, this took no effort whatsoever.'
5. Tell everyone you know about your desperate plight but any suggestions of help or advice are always wrong and impossible.

However, if your flight gets cancelled and they get you on a new one on the same day and all that happens is you have to hang around the airport for a bit longer, then you are entitled to do 1 through 3.  You can tone it down a little and you probably don't need a back-up cupcake.

Just some behavior I witnessed recently when my flight was cancelled.  I'll try and behave better next time...