Things That Are Like Crack Cocaine

• Dates*. Dates are delicious. I never knew. I've wasted half my life not knowing about dates. I blame my parents for my lack of date education. Dates from the freezer are like crack cocaine**. If I knew what crack cocaine was like. It sounds very different to dates. Also I think dates are hard to inject. Because of the pits. 

*Just so we're clear about what kind of dates we're talking about. 

*Not this kind of date.  This is not delicious, although it does appear to be going quite well.  Hopefully it's not a first date - you shouldn't hold hands on a first date, he will think you are a whore...This looks nothing like my first dates.  Very little hand holding and cups of tea.  However, if you were to bring me some dates, I might hold your hand.

• Cake. Obviously
• Instant Noodles. It's one of life's great disappointments to me to find out how bad these things are for you.
• I'm trying to think of things that are not food. It's not easy but I got one. 80's rock music. Who's with me?
• Marshmallow Creme - sorry back to food. I think you're supposed to buy this for baking things, but I've never managed to get it from the jar to the mixing bowl. It always accidentally falls in my mouth.
• The ocean. And not just because of cold beers and tacos waiting for me when I get out. I'm going to retire into the ocean.
• Exercise***
• Car Washes - I love riding through them, I love that I don't have to do it and I love how my car looks afterwards. I would love it even more if my car looked like a BMW but there are limits.
• Shopping. For shoes. And purses. But that's all. Except for clothes. And accessories. Nothing else though. Maybe a little bit of cars.

**I don't know how one orders crack cocaine - I don't even know what it looks like or what you then do with it once you've bought it.  I am useless.
***Not really.  Although one time I got a runner's high out jogging but I also had a cupcake just prior so it's open for debate as to what really caused it.

More Bold Claims and Signs

A lot of you are probably wondering - given that I work in the technology field - what kind of fancy digital camera I use for taking all my photos.  I call it my iphone.  Also you may be surprised to hear that I have no assistants and many of my photos are taken with my other hand.  Extensive training with Albert on when to push the button has resulted in a nap.  He's not good with buttons.

Not a bold claim.  Just 4 bison.  Because I liked them and it's my blog.

This never gets old.

Not true - there was a black and red one in the window.

Dear Pinks - who is making it "special" for you?  Aren't you making them?  Isn't it your hot dog stand?  Is there some unnamed third party that deserves all the Pink's kudos? Shouldn't it be that they are made "specially" for you or did that not fit on the sign? Or do you mean they are made "special" because you give each hot dog a lot of love?  This sign is very unclear to me.  I'm going need one of each to verify the signage.  With fries*.

*Very small print so that my trainers don't see it. Fries are naughty.

Did not change life.

Unclear as to which type of funk is being referred to.  It did seem a bit depressed and the man peeing in the corner helped give it a funky smell.  No sign of James Brown

I checked.  There was no magic.

Bigger and better than what?  A little short on details.  Note: This is the same store that promised magic so already I am skeptical about the validity of this claim.

You can't see all the writing but it says "Indian Cucina / California Accents".  So it's a blend of Indian/Italian/Californian cuisine which sounds like something I've never had before...

Only a sucker falls for this sort of deal**.

**Actually a good deal.

No work. No money. No nothing.

I did this.  Then I lifted a car off a child.  Then someone asked if I was 25.  I said yes. Next time will put clothes back on before attempting car thing.

Did not appear to be the ultimate.  Photo Bomb: Level McDonalds.

It occurred to me that I may get a bunch of free stuff from companies if I post their signs and demand verification.  Will add that to blog stats updates. Things I do not want from any of these signs:

• Farts
• Funk
• Venereal Disease***
• Meth***

***See previous post