Dating Things You Must Not Do*

Things you must not say or do to men after or during the first date:

1. Do you want to get married in the Summer or Winter?
2. Is that it?
3. Huh. Not what I was expecting
4. So it's just the 4 children then?
5. I like you as much as won't freak you out
6. eHarmony rejected me
7. I'd like to go out on a second date but I don't like you
8. Text them and declare your love immediately after the date ends. Or on a bathroom break during the date
9. Post your imaginary engagement on Facebook after a successful first date
10. Go home and watch TV with your cat. Because it was a better option
11. Handstands
12. Drug him
13. Contact him in any way. Regardless of what you do, it will be wrong
14. "Tell me about yourself?" "Well, I...". "You're the one!" 
15. I had a great time on our date, unless you didn't, in which case, neither did I

Outfits not to wear on a first date:

1. Fancy Dress of any kind
2. Catsuit 
3. Moose hat** 
4. Fig Leaf
5. Men: Wife beater (chesty bond in Oz)

Outfits to wear on a first date:

1. Pants

 *I am guilty of none of these, except 1-15.
**I'm on the fence about this one.  I think it depends on the person and whether you can pull it off. As I did. The key is too look slightly startled.  But dignified.

Words of Wisdom and Other Stuff I Made Up

A Poem I wrote*:
String is a very important thing
Rope is thicker but string is quicker
* A lie.

A Beauty Tip:
If you have fat ankles, there is nothing I can do for you.

Building Confidence:
Sometimes you just have to give yourself a compliment. "Damn, self, you got nice eyes"

Dating Tip:
You can't make someone love you, you can only stalk them and hope for the best. Also, it's not really stalking if you're just waiting for them to realize how perfect you are together.

Exercise Reality:
I'm not coming into work today because I did squats yesterday

How to Make up with Someone:
I'm sorry we fought, I hate it when you're wrong

Fact:
Even though you have all tile and wood floors - the cat will throw up on the bath mat.

Dietary Advice:
Instead of milk with my tea, I use wine and then also instead of my tea, I use wine

Shopping Fact:
When you go to Target, you will spend a lot of money on things you didn't know you needed.And you will regret it once you get home but you will be too lazy to take anything back. You should start a "Things I Bought At Target" closet.

Safety Tip:
Always make sure the elevator is there before stepping in

Advice:
Don't do it. I did it and now I'm very, very sorry.

Fact:
4 out of 3 people struggle with Mathematics