Why Must They Take Liberties...

I just watched a recent episode of Once Upon A Time. I don't know if you follow it but Emma had forgotten about her previous life and now she's remembered so she and Henry have to go on a trip*. She makes him breakfast, he eats one bite and gets up. She pours orange juice and puts it on the kitchen counter. Then they leave, unlikely to come back. So irresponsible. Who (a) doesn't finish breakfast? Only the most important meal of the day (b) leaves it there to rot without doing the dishes and (c) doesn't put the orange juice back in the fridge. I want a rewrite. "Emma and Henry eat up all their breakfast, wash the dishes, throw out all the food that might rot and take out the trash before leaving on their trip."

Then a similar thing happened again in a book I was reading.  The heroine had planned a special dinner for her hero, they got caught up in the romance of it all, one thing led to another and all of sudden no one is having dinner because they are otherwise engaged on the floor**.  Then the chapter ends.  What the hell was for dinner?!!?  Does anyone else care?  In the book that I am never writing, there are full descriptions of what everyone ate, they always finished their meals and tidied up and there was no having a couple of bites and then losing their appetite.  Everyone has very healthy appetites and manages to eat even in the face of tragedy. 

Revolution.  Anyone else watch that?  Where are they getting their clothes from?  They lost power multiple years ago and you know that with all the hardships they endure, the clothes they had pre-power loss days would not have lasted.  I have seen no sign of anyone spinning away on a spinning wheel or shuttling the shuttley thing through a loom.  And don't get me started on their hair.  Ok, I'll just start a little bit on the hair.  Not once have I seen them wash it, yet it's the best hair ever.  Must remember to stop washing mine and take it into heavy gunfire battles on a regular basis. Apparently it needs to be rinsed in blood. 

*Not a spoiler alert because I am far too lazy to explain this so that it makes sense.
**Am thankful they didn't use the table. Where dinner was waiting. 

This Week's Life Plan...

I've come up with a new life plan. I do this pretty regularly but I don't tell everyone about it because I'm too busy discussing things like fitted sheets which are more important. But this is a pretty good one. I'm going to put all my stuff in storage and run away to Mexico where I will buy a bar* and watch someone else run it.

I will have my own sun lounger and my waiters will bring me drinks and guacamole all day long. I will not exercise or eat right and I will need a beach buggy for those days when I drink too much to walk**. Yoga will be me climbing in and out of my sun lounger - this sounds simple but after a lot of beer and tequila, it has to be approached carefully.  Getting in should be no problem but will have to deploy the rear exit method to get out.  Let's call it downward dog.  And hope for the best.

I'll be taking one bag and Albert. My friend is picking me up and she has one bag and a Chihuahua mix. According to her, he will have no issues crossing the border because he is already half-Mexican. So now I have to change Albert's middle name (Nigel) to Juan. I will hereafter be known as Juanita. Mother of Albert Juan. Finlayson.

My friend wants to go halves*** on the bar so she bought a couple of lottery tickets. Safe to say this plan is a go.  Just waiting on the curb for my friend to pick me up

This photo is not quite how I envisioned it as I wanted a graphic depiction of what is going to happen but (a) homeless guy was not available to take picture outside (b) Albert refused to go outside. Also this is not actually my bag but since we're conceptually visualizing this, let's just go ahead and pretend I have a Burberry.  In case you didn't notice, I used my graphic design skills to seamlessly blend the photos together.

We think we will stay until we run out of money, then come back and sell something.  I have a kidney, possibly some fertile eggs, bone marrow and blood. She has a house.

*I will be buying this with no money.
**However I am not condoning drinking and beach buggying. 
***Technically not halves since I am not using money since I have none and even my math skills know that when you buy a bar with nothing and you go halves on nothing with someone, you will end up with $2.3 million.