- When a Zombie approaches, curl up in the fetal position and start keening. Or get up and run away. You have time to try them both out, Zombies don't have a lot of pace. See what fits you best. Just know that only one of these has the potential for survival for a little bit longer.
- When trying to kill a Zombie, don't get confused with vampires and aim a stake at their heart. Zombies are the undead, they're technically already dead so this can be confusing, especially when they bite you and it feels very real. Remember, a Zombie might be undead but you have to make them even more dead. Like dead to the power of three. You have to take out their brain** and I don't actually mean remove it from their head. That's very time consuming and likely to result in your death. You need to drive a pick-axe or some other sharp object into the brain so that it's destroyed. I find this somewhat ironic since Zombies aren't known for their intelligence and yet the brain is what keeps them going. Vampires aren't known for their kind hearts and yet that's what keeps them going. Whoever made all this stuff up had some very flawed logic.
- Don't make friends with a Zombie. And definitely don't fall in love with one. For all you cat ladies out there, this isn't actually your Plan B. It's Plan Terrible Choice.
- Learn to move like a Zombie. This is a no-brainer for when you get stuck in your local Zombie crowd and you need to blend in. I know all the kids these days feel sorry for those of us that didn't grow up with the iPhone etc but we grew up with Thriller so we already know how to do this. What are they going to do? Use their iPhone and call Ghostbusters? Oh wait, they didn't grow up with them either. Technology doesn't help you when you're about to be eaten.
- Keep it together. If you panic, you'll be one of the first to go. Zombies can smell fear. Also your trigger finger will be shaky and you'll miss the brain. And you won't come across very well in front of the ladies. Ladies, it's cool, you can lose your shit. The real men will save you***.
- Arm yourself. You may never have shot a gun before but when you're faced with a drooling mob of Zombies, you'll learn pretty quick. Get as many grenades, sub-machine guns, shotguns, rifles and bazookas as you can get your hands on. Try Wal-Mart. Failing that, shovels, pick-axes, knives and ice picks will do. If you don't have any of that, possibly a kite, squirt gun or some other toy will do****
- Reconsider where to base yourself. Small towns will have less people and therefore less infected people so less Zombies to fight. Also, when everyone else is dead and you are last man standing, you will be able to proclaim yourself Mayor. And you will own that town.
- Get supplies. See my Earthquake post as all of these same things apply. Earthquakes - Zombies, same same. Make a list and divide it up amongst your team. "I'll get the cake if you can get everything else."
- Go to higher ground. No, wait that's a Tsunami. If you go to higher ground in a Zombie ApApocalypse, they will go there too. But at least you'll all be safe when the Tsunami hits.
- Some recommend searching for survivors after the initial onslaught as apparently after a Zombie Apocalypse, you can get very lonely. We only have "I am Legend" to go on and I don't know about you but I don't think that movie was based on a true story. Anyway, I don't think I will get lonely, I am very well versed in hanging out by myself and I find that I am excellent company. I also don't want anyone touching my stuff.
**This is an actual fact. I got it off the internet. So it's real.
***You're all going to die.
****Just kidding. A kite? Really? What do you think you're going to do with that? Do you have visions of you on the beach with your Zombie flying a kite together? You're dead right out of the gate.
