Last Person On Earth

Some of you may have seen the new show "Last Man On Earth"? Basically after a disease wipes out all humans (and apparently animals since I haven't seen any on the show), only one man is left.  It's a pretty interesting concept and started me thinking about all the things I would do and then all the limitations I would face due to the fact that while I am a master survivalist in a Zombie Apocalypse, I have no clue what to do without water and electricity.  I would:

1. Eat all the sugar* in the world because it wouldn't matter what I looked like nor would there be any doctors to treat me of all my terrible sugary ailments
2. Go to all the department stores and shop up a storm.  Ball gowns, cocktail dresses, designer shoes, you name it - I'm getting it and loading it in one of my fleet of fancy cars.  On second thoughts, better move this to the top of the list, after I make a sugar baby in my belly, I'm not going be able to fit anything.
3. Find the most ridiculously amazing house in Los Angeles and move in.  Since there won't be a pool boy, I'm going to need to maximize my pool usage because pretty soon, it won't be pretty and moving houses is not going to solve the problem.
4. Never vacuum, dust or mop again.
5. Never do laundry again
6. Visit all the famous attractions in America - no more standing in lines for me.  Disneyland might be a bit tame if I can't turn the rides on...
7. Probably walk around naked to see what it's like.
8. Wander in and out of people's houses, "borrowing" stuff I like.
9. Stockpile food - possibly should have thought of this first.  Maybe even start a veggie garden.  Yes, I think we all know it's going to die. I am where plants go to die.
10. Drive all over the roads in any direction I feel like.  Sort of how Californian's drive now.

And then there are the issues:

1. Pretty sure I will need a generator since no one will be maintaining the electrical plants.  Pretty sure I don't know what a generator looks like.  
2. Pretty sure I will need to stockpile water and not just for drinking - flushing the toilet is going to be a thing of the past since no one is manning the sanitation or water plants either.  I will build some sort of rain catching device, most likely called a bucket.  If things get really bad with the LA drought, I may have to move to Seattle or Portland for the Winter.
3. There will be no vacations unless I learn how to fly or man a cruise ship.  Only road trips.  
4. I am going to have to join a library.  And hope that there are books on how to make electricity, sanitize water, fly a plane, steer a boat and treat myself for diabetes.
5. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter are going to be boring.  I'll have to create a bunch of different profiles to keep myself amused.  On second thoughts, would the internet disappear?  Back to the library...

 *In case anyone is tracking, today I celebrate 66 days sugar-free which was my goal based on a report that said it takes 66 days to break a habit. For the record, Science is wrong. I think it's going to take 666 years for this to take root...if you want to congratulate me, feel free to send a gift basket of sugary treats.

Living In LA

People always ask me how can you live here? It's pretentious, they say. Well I live here and I'm not pretentious - have you seen my car? I can't be the only one. Statistically speaking and I've done the calculations which I think we all know will be pretty much almost correct,* that's impossible.

If I ever take a boy I like to Yoga, I'm gonna ask my teacher to do all the poses, I'm good at. That'll impress him. That's not pretentious, that's just an hour and forty minutes in shavasana** 

Then I ran into this at the fancy supermarket that I don't like to shop at because the wheatgrass and kale things scare me.  But also, I am lazy and it's a 2 minute walk from my house.  And if you put sugar and cake on wheatgrass, it's delicious.  I admit, this might be a little pretentious...although to be fair, it appears to come from New Jersey.

I don't know what this means but I am not drinking anything with Fulvics in it.  Sounds like pelvic and that's just not the area of the body I want involved in my drinking water...it's literally black water. 

*Came out to 12 degrees. So, that sounds right.
**Corpse pose for you non-yogis. Involves lying completely still on the ground and thinking about nothing. It's still a work in progress cos I get itches but nearly got it...

First Post - Show Me The Money

So, I wrote a blog – it will be of no use or interest to anyone. I’m hoping to make millions. Pretty sure that’s how it works, you write a blog about nothing, the world reads it and the money just starts pouring in. I think it’s like one of those pyramid schemes that I was never involved in because they’re illegal. And naughty. Will you all just deposit money into my account? And by all, I mean Mum. Cos I think I will have a following of one. This is going to be huge so I’ll probably quit my job next week. When I’m rich. From my blog.

If you’re wondering what will be on the blog – it’s all going to revolve around just things I am thinking. So, it will be brief. And I will have a lot of guest bloggers. It will be centered on Los Angeles – I wanted Paris but I don’t live there. There will be tips on stuff I have done (nothing), things I have seen (minimal), friends I have made (none) and many other pointless topics – it’ll give you an idea of what it’s like to live in a dynamic city from someone with a positive, get-up and go attitude. And then I will write some stuff too.

Blog earnings update: $0. Something has gone horribly wrong.