Work Transportation

This is how we get around the lot at work. In golf carts. It's pretty cool. We're pretty cool. I'm not allowed to drive...

Sometimes they let me sit in it and pretend.  I make vroom vroom noises.  I'm not allowed to do that anymore either.

If you lean forward you go faster.  Except if you're not moving.

Make sure you look carefully when you reverse.  Also try and look super casual like me.  Not everyone can pull off a helmet in a golf cart...

Sometimes I take a nap.  But then security finds me.  Don't take your helmet off to nap, imagine if the cart started rolling backwards.  Injuries could be horrific.

Sometimes I ride in the back.  It makes people think I'm more important.  It's like being in a limo.  Without a driver.  And without moving.  But other than, exactly the same.

Pole Dancing

I took up pole dancing some time ago - and let me be clear, this is pole dancing for fitness. I think anyone that knows me, knows that my natural grace does not lend itself to pole dancing as a stripper and making actual money off of it. I have a lot of respect for them, pole dancing is very painful - at best I can manage a grimace on my face, smiling is out of the question and I'm going to need $100's not $1's to cover my medical bills and skin grafts. Do you know that as you slide down the pole upside down, holding on with only your legs, you're leaving bits of your skin behind and enough DNA to convince anyone that you were the murderer*?

In class, I was taught the basic spins - fireman, chair, carousel, back hook and walking.  Am still working on walking.  None of those posed much bodily risk and I was much ridiculed for wearing my cycling helmet.  But...safety first.

As we progressed to climbing**, hanging upside down and doing spins with one hand, I asked for a safety net. They don't do safety nets. Also they need me to climb a little higher than 10" off the floor.  But, I know my limits...one time I stubbed my toe so I was out of commission for several weeks.  Pole dancing is very dangerous...

I eventually decided that I was so good*** that I would buy my own pole and install it in my house.  So I moved my dining room table to the spare room and put my pole up. Well, I watched the YouTube how-to video, put the pole up, pole fell down, cried. Then phoned a friend who put it up for me. And I loved it. I practiced almost every day**** and at one point while skyping with my parents, set the computer up so they could see my moves. How many of you can say that while skyping with your parents, you showed them the butterfly pole move? And then I moved on to showing my nieces...and left my brother to explain why Auntie Gherkin has a fireman's pole in her house.

*I didn't do it.
**And substantial bruising
***Situation over-estimation.
****Negligible improvement

Do you have what it takes?