Making Gifts

This year I made a gift for someone that I met who has become very special to me. The idea behind making gifts seems like a good one. Unless you're a bit shit at crafts. Then you should buy a gift card. But that doesn't really convey the appreciation I have for him and how much he's helped me this year. I had hoped to give it to him for his birthday in April but turns out I am lazy. Plus I feel like April came around way too quickly this year. I mean just last year I was young and then all of sudden, my birthday hit in April and I was old. That's never happened before.

So, I finally got my shit together, well almost, and it's nearly done. I've been working on the accompanying note because it kind of has to come with a warning. I think the below conveys my thoughts adequately.

Dear X,

I made you a gift. I know what you're thinking - macrame pot plant holder, fabulous, just what you've always wanted. So now I've disappointed you because it's not actually that. 

And let me be the first to assure you that if you hate it, you can put it in the garage, basement, study or downstairs loo which is where all the crap craft generally ends up. I won't be offended. And if you say "Oh how interesting*", I'll know you are really thinking "This is not interesting at all, does anyone have any cake?"

First of all, this thing is really heavy so I'm going to need some help getting it out of the car when I drop it off. Second of all, some of the color might come off. On your clothes. So bring an apron to help me get it out of the car. And finally, it's really sharp in some spots. No joke, this thing will cut you, bitch**. To summarize, I'm giving you a heavy, dirty, razor-sharp dangerous cutty thing as a gift. So that sounds nice, doesn't it?

Oh and by the way, you can't put anything in it that will leak water. It will ruin it but slowly and then it will just make the relationship awkward and I'll have to go somewhere else for Yoga.

Thanks again!

Love me xx

*See Monday
**Don't really mean you are a bitch, I'm just trying to convey the sense of how sharp and dangerous this thing is. While making it I sustained multiple injuries and went through a lot of band-aids. Talk about blood, sweat and tears - all of these things are literally part of your gift. No poop though.

PS to everyone else: Don't tell him what it is because I haven't quite finished yet and I need the option to give it to him for his 2015 Birthday.  Just in case things don't go well - it's possible the cuts all over my hands will get infected and not heal.  I think it's pretty obvious what it is, so don't mention this, ok?