How A Bucket Stops A Cat From Pooping Indoors

When I have a problem, I quickly admit defeat and wait for someone to fix it. And no one does so then I have to. And while conceptually my ideas are great, the execution and the practicality of them have varying results.  Varying from bad to terrible.

For the last couple of months since it got really hot, Albert has taken to randomly doing his business in the hallway. And no amount of questioning will get me any answers. So, I did a little detective work. Which didn't help. At first I thought it was because he was too scared to go outside on garbage collection day. An unwelcome surprise the following day disproved that theory. Then I thought he was too scared to go out his little window on the day the gardeners came. Once again, I was proved wrong.

But I think I've cracked it. Right after I stood in it. Directly above the cat window is the upstairs neighbors' air conditioning unit. Once it started to get hotter, they turned it on and since the guy works from home, it's on for most of the day. And it drips. Onto Albert's carpeted platform where he enters and exits. And I think, my precious has gotten a little bit precious about getting his paws and butt wet. Never mind that he happily frolics in the rain, god forbid he should have to step on sodden carpeting for mere seconds. I want to use a phrase right now that rhymes with "whittle shucker".

My first attempt to fix the problem was to put a container out there - unfortunately the drips come down directly above the cat window so that then means he can't come and go.So, I spent a lot of time at work thinking about the problem, sketching solutions and doing some extensive measurements and calculations.*

So I've come up with a homemade solution, that is a brilliant example of the well-known phenomenon "kiwi ingenuity".

That's right, I wired a bucket to the mosquito screen so that it's above the cat door and below the air conditioner.  Am currently waiting for them to turn on AC so I can see if it catches the drops and the carpet below stays dry...yes, my cat has carpet on his outdoor ladder.  Why?

It's quite a long way below the A/C but since my other thought was to somehow have it evaporate before it hit the ground and science has yet to catch up with my brain and invent something, I think this will have to do.

 I am aware there are flaws - like having to take my stool** outside so I can reach up and untie the bucket to empty it.  Also there is a very high potential that the weight of the water will rip the screen out of the window before I can get to it to empty.  

Therefore, I am offering a reward to anyone who can come up with a better solution.  Your prize: a well-trained house broken(ish) one-eyed cat. 

*Not actually true. I just said fuck a lot.
**Pun intended

Terrible Struggles I Have Had In My Life

• This morning I put on a dress and I stuck my arm through the wrong hole. I can't get out. This is not the first time this has happened.

 

• It's Kirsten, not Kristen.
• This one time, I wanted a cupcake and they only sold them in packs of four. So I had none. It was awful
• This other time I was at the mall in the public bathroom and they didn't have those sensors on the taps and I had to turn it on myself. With my own hand. Than to add insult to injury they didn't have the sensor paper towel holder and I had to pull it out myself. Again, using my hand.
• Yesterday when I got home, I had to park a block away from my house because selfish people parked on my street. Outside my house. In my secretly designated spot.
• When I was young, I was only allowed to get 10 library books out at a time. My education was stifled. To this day I don't read as good or talk as good English as I could have.
• Sometimes my air conditioning is too cold. And too far away to change
• It's Thursday
• My headset broke so now I have to hold my phone. Which is particularly hard on my arm with tuberculosis that has not fully healed*
• I had to delete some apps from my iPhone so I could upgrade to ios7. And now I don't have that Bic lighter one for concerts. So, now I can't go to concerts.
• I have to watch some shows On Demand because I can't DVR more than 2 at a time
• I had Mexican food for lunch last week and I lost a corn chip in my salsa and then my recon chip went AWOL
• I can't see certain people getting hit by the karma I was promised. What goes around is just standing still.
• I just started watching a new Vampire show - The Originals - and I need someone to write up a character synopsis because my head is too tired to figure out all the main characters. All four of them..
• I tried to braid my hair and this happened. And now I have to look like this today.

Started with such promise.  Maybe if I put a bow on it?

*See previous blogs. You should probably read all of them in case you missed something.

Work

Apologies for the late posting today - I had to go to that other place all day today and work. Apparently I have to go back tomorrow too.

I'd really like to write about my day at work today but it might not bode well for my future employment so instead I compiled some stats:

Number of cups of coffee: I don't drink coffee but today I had three. Because it was a Monday. Also we have one of those machines where you stick a little packet in labelled Coffee (you can choose coffee from many different places around the world. Today I went Colombian) and then coffee comes out. And sometimes it jams when you do it wrong. Somebody did it wrong today. Just so you know, you can't fit two packets in at the same time just because you think you're making a double espresso. What happens is a double nothing and a big mess and then you have to lie to Maintenance about the person that allegedly used it before you.

Number of emails I sent: A lot. If my boss is reading this, I had my highest email output yield ever today.

Number of times I answered the phone and pretended it was a bad connection: Hardly any. If my boss is reading this, it really was a bad connection when you called. All four times.

Number of drive-bys past the muffins in the kitchen: 12.  But I just licked the tops.

Number of ergo assessments had today: 1. Apparently I am doing it all wrong. I should stop working. It's a Health & Safety issue

Number of work-related conversations with colleagues: 24.  I think there are things I'm supposed to do...

Number of non work-related conversations with colleagues: Absolutely none.  I would never do that. 

Work outfit score from the office: 10 out of 10*

*Scored by me

No. of corporate jargon terms I used today: 9. I'm not sure I have enough bandwidth. Let's synch up tomorrow and collaborate on that project. I'm going to need to benchmark those figures. It's not really their core competency. I'm a critical thinker. This is a game-changer. I'm going to target the low-hanging fruit. We're a matrix organization here except for those that are siloes. I'm looking for a seat at the table with the stakeholders.

No. of times I knew what I meant: None.

Things I dislike about work: Waking up. Working

Things I like about work: Apparently the coffee. This is a new and delightful surprise.

Most productive time of the day: 9:31am - 9:37am. I nailed it.

Thoughts I had while at work:

1. It's 11am and I just finished lunch. Now what am I supposed to do?
2. Go away Facebook, I'm trying to work
3. Work fascinates me, I can sit and look at it for hours
4. I should have been a ninja. I wonder where you apply. I look good in black
5. It's good to be at work. They have air conditioning
6. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm going to smile and write something down. There, "something". Please don't read my notes.
7. I'm gonna do some push-ups. Nope, too hard.

Well, that's a wrap on another day where I acted exactly like I knew what I was doing.