How I Work On Projects

If you need me to help you with a project, I am available for consultation.  For a fee.  Just FYI - I don't subscribe to the Agile, Waterfall or Six Sigma approaches.  That's just a lot of extra work and charting.  My approach is much simpler and outlined below:

1. Get initial information on project - put in drawer.
2. 2 weeks later, open drawer to look for chocolate. Find project. Shut quickly.
3. 1 week later, boss asks how project is going. Wonder what he is talking about.
4. Accidentally open scary project drawer and decide to take quick look in case it's something easy and uncomplicated.
5. It's not easy and uncomplicated.
6. Decide to knuckle down and review information
7. Get coffee. Knuckling down needs coffee.
8. Coffee tastes delicious but is not very good at project work
9. Take a long hard look at project data. Have a little cry.
10. Consider putting chart/graph together but am uncertain what I am showing or doing. Also Excel is very difficult so will use lined graph paper and draw it instead.
11. Is not working. Will have lunch and think of another plan
12. Lunch is delicious.
13. Do some complicated calculations that have nothing to do with project but are working wonders on self confidence.
14. Decide that most definitely I can handle this.
15. Wonder what I was thinking.
16. Delegate to person working for me.
17. Consider project completed.