Things I Wanted For My Birthday But Didn't Get

1. A new eye for Albert
2. A cat with two eyes
3. A silencer for the hole in my exhaust manifold. This is code for a new car
4. A clean house. This is code for a housekeeper
5. Cake. I mean, really. Have I not dropped enough hints about cake? I'm going to have to dumb it down a little. "Hey - get cake. Give it to me"
6. A Minion. Yes, I know they're not real but if people can ask me if I've seen a Hobbit then I can have a Minion. The one with one eye, please.
7. A good attitude
8. A tiara. For wearing around the house
9. A winning lottery ticket. Am going to have to return the ones I had as they were broken. Need my money back.
10. A party dress. And by party dress I mean 7.