When Life Gives You Lemons...

• Throw the lemon at the first person that suggests you make lemonade out of it. If the lemon fails to hurt them, find a rock.
• If you're really lucky, they'll be riding a bike and you'll take them out.  There was an incident this one time with me, an egg and a bike.  Didn't end well for the egg, the bike or me.
• People always suggest that you add alcohol. So now you have a lemon sitting in a glass of vodka or whatever your preferences is. Success?  I think no.

I'm unsure how this helps...

• Paint them green and sell them to restaurants.  There is apparently a lime shortage.  The message here is, when life gives you lemons, cheat someone and make yourself feel better.
• Cut in half, rub on freckles and watch them fade.  My friends' sister used to do this while she was sunbathing.  We swore black and blue that it was working.  It wasn't.
• Do not eat - very bad for your tooth enamel and then not only are you having a shitty life, you now have holes in your teeth and a huge dental bill.  That's life giving you lemons to the power of two.
• Grate the zest and add to a cupcake.  Now, you have a bald lemon and cupcakes.  Take that, lemon.  
• Return it and ask for a substitute.
• Quit.