How To Light A Gas BBQ

When you get to the park on the 4th of July, after lugging all your stuff - chairs, cooler, food, blanket, dog - the last thing you want is to not be able to cook your food. This should help but it's unlikely:

1. Attach gas canister. Listen to gas hissing out into the air. Decide not good. Reattach gas canister. Do it right this time. Do it with your eyes open, risking terrible injury but have much better chance of attaching it to actual BBQ instead of dog.
2. Turn gas on. Wonder why there are no flames. Decide Sangria is more important and BBQ and gas canister will still be there when you have finished your drink.
3. Damn. BBQ and gas canister are still there and you have finished your drink. Have a another one.
4. Bugger. Still there. Have mental pep talk with self about how girls can do anything. Wonder if perhaps this is a job for Triple A?
5. Turn gas on again. Realize gas still on from last time as forgot to turn it off. Wonder why there are still no flames. Decide flames are invisible but most likely there. Recall something about no such thing as invisible flames.
6. Get lighter. Flick it and use flame to try and light any part of the BBQ. Decide this is actually more of a job for your friend since it's her BBQ and you will need her to shield you from the blast when it explodes because you tried to ignite parts that should not be ignited.
7. Loud rushing sound is occurring. Decide this is probably good. But most likely not. Let it go on for a while anyway. Stops of its own accord. Randomly fiddle with heat control and canister and randomly it starts again. Sit very still and try not to move in case it stops again. Breathing causes it to stop again.
8. Find red button on other side. Ask friend what button is for. She recalls something vague about it being used to ignite the BBQ once gas is on. Turns out it works.
9. Until the wind blows everything out. Luckily we now have a magic starty button to push to get it going.
10. Not long after - give or take 4 hours - the food is cooked. More or less. 

 You're welcome, 'Merica.