The first turned out to be an excellent evening at a place in Los Angeles called Littlefork*. Despite not letting myself have any sugar**. They ordered the Apple Cider donuts with apple butter and salted caramel and I didn't even lick the tops when they weren't looking.
The second evening was with people I work with and see (mostly) on a daily basis. We went to Fogo de Chao in Beverley Hill, which is a Brazilian meat eating orgy type of place. While there is a salad bar there, most people just wait for the gaucho chefs to come around and carve hunks of different types of meat onto your plate. Which you eat until your arteries clog. After a while, I was starting to hear the pitiful bleating of sheep***, the guilt-inducing mooing of cows and the oinking of dead and dying pigs in my head. But it's ok, I just kept eating until I couldn't hear them anymore.
After everyone had gorged themselves, we began socializing. My CPO (Chief Procurement Officer and kind of a big deal) had just popped by our table when one of my colleagues (a lovely gentleman from Brazil, as a matter of fact) asked me a boomingly**** loud voice "Do you remember when you gave me the clap at Christmas?" Do you know what it's like to be asked this in front of everyone you work with plus your boss and your bosses boss and basically almost the head of Comcast? But it gets better because he followed it up with "My sons loved it so much that I gave the clap to one of them and then because the youngest was complaining that he didn't have the clap, I gave it to him as well. So now we all have the clap in our house." It's not often that I'm lost for words but this would do it for anyone I would think. And then I got my words back. "So, you have a double dose of the clap?"
Yes, he said and I can't thank you enough...Brazilians are very polite. Give them an STD and they thank you. I know you're all thinking, why is she admitting this in such a public forum? Look, if Fifty Shades of Grey can put it all out there and make money off of it, why can't I?
But, if I might explain...
Last year, at the Christmas department holiday party, we had a White Elephant gift exchange and for a short period of time, I was lucky enough to get "The Clapper". Up until my colleague took it off my hands (the aforementioned Brazilian gentleman) and I ended up with a blanket which I much preferred. When the actual meaning of what he had said was pointed out to him, he was mortified and kept shouting "undo, undo" at me which was equally amusing.
 |
| Not an STD. Annoying but does not result in burning pain...unless you overdo the clapping and end up with stinging palms... |
*Ahem, Littlefork. Pretty decent plug for you given the large audience of two that reads my blog. Possibly you want to give me a free meal for me and my two readers? Or maybe return the $2.45 it cost me for a glass of soda water. Which is water with bubbles. Basically I paid $2.00 for bubbles. Should have just farted in my drink. I know, not ladylike but honestly, here I am, not drinking, not eating anything sweet and delicious and giving up all enjoyment only to be punished. Now I know how designated drivers feel...
**For those keeping track, I have now done 36 days and have 30 to go. Feel like this should have been one of those instances where I got sponsored to give up sugar. It's not too late - feel free to give freely to the blog. Don't worry about supportive messages, just send money.
***Surprising really since New Zealand is all about sheep and eating them. Specifically lambs.
****Luckily only our party of 20 or so people heard
No comments:
Post a Comment