Easter

Yes, I realize it was a while ago but I've made a point of writing about all the holidays and since I was on a plane for Easter Sunday and America doesn't give me Good Friday off*, I'm just now remembering it. Which is surprising because the additional tummy roll I just discovered is a direct result of the Easter eggs I ate. Don't worry I'm combating it this week with something that you'll hear about next week. I'm starting Lent** after Easter. Seems to make more sense. 

I always buy Easter eggs for my family, they like the different American ones, and because I like to be organized, I got them way ahead of time and planned to post them to New Zealand a week beforehand. I only had to go back to Target for replacements 4 times. Sometimes organizational skills can be detrimental to your diet.

Easter was kind of a big deal in my family - we grew up doing a bunch of the American traditions of dying eggs and Easter egg hunts because my father was American and he brought those things from his childhood. My brother and I had the baskets we still have today, I don't think he uses it anymore. Probably doesn't think he looks very cool hopping around with a green and yellow basket. Probably right. I still do though.

The Easter egg hunt was awesome because I was the oldest of the cousins and I would find most of the eggs first and then beat them to get them to give me theirs. I love Easter. Then we would have a lot of egg sandwiches. Usually one egg didn't get found. Until next year. I let the brother and cousins have that one.

Nowadays because I live so far away, I usually get Amazon gift cards or scratchies for Easter. Pretty big win this year - texted my brother with the results "Tell mum we have a total winnings of $9. Everyone quit their jobs." His response "Invest it. You can live off the interest."

As I told him, good plan - he always had a better head for numbers than me. We had the same math teacher but clearly he understood more than me.

So that was Easter. For the next week, I'm accepting Easter eggs as payment so don't hold back.

*I'm at the mercy of "The Man". He doesn't want me to eat chocolate. Fascist. Chocolate fascist.  Easter bunny hater.
**Am not entirely sure what this is but think I am unable to eat or use Facebook.

When Things Get Hard...I Come Up With Solutions

• "Check Engine" light came on in my car. I tried driving around and wiggling the car in a zigzag-like way, in case the recent oil change shook something loose and made the light come on*. Didn't work. Just going to buy a new car instead.
• Timer on dryer doesn't work. Just stopped using dryer. Put clothes in spare room and turned heat on high.
• Plant died. Left it there as warning to other plants not to step out of line.
• Hem fell down on dress. Gave it to Goodwill.
• Cat lost his eye. Let him keep the other one.
• No eggs left in the fridge.  Went without**
• Got leg stuck in aerial silk class.  Hung casually upside down as if no big deal. Tried to look like I was meant to be there, which meant refusing offer of help to get down. I'm going to need someone to bring me a snack.
• My teeth fell out in someone's ear***. 

I know, I know - this just had such a favorable response that I'm trying to work it into every post...

Basically, I don't care whether the glass is half full or half empty, I just want there to be wine in it.

*Hey - it could happen.
**And by without, I mean, drove to cafe and made them cook me eggs.
***I actually have no solution for this. Everybody loses. Except me cos lots of people want to look at this and I think that means - "cash cow"!

Things That Are A Mystery...To Me

1. Fitted sheets. Now, granted I would rather have fitted sheets when I'm sleeping than regular ones that come with me whenever I turn over, but when they're off the bed, I don't want to know them. I know I can YouTube a video on how to fold them properly but let's be honest, it's a lot quicker to roll them in a ball and hide them in your linen cupboard until you need them.
2. Putting the duvet inner into the duvet cover. I can do a Single but give me Queen and above and there will be tears. I have to physically climb into the cover holding the ends of the inner, stretching out flat so I reach both ends and then backing out carefully*.
3. Dry cleaners. I cannot for the life of me figure out how they can push a button and all those garments on the conveyor belts rotate around until my clothes stop right in front of me. It's magic.  I think there is a lot of science involved in this part.  Physics possibly.
4. Eggs.  Eggs are very complicated.  Except hard boiled eggs. I get those right every time. 
5. Tamales.  I think what goes into them is a bit dodgy.  I can't seem to identify the insides.
6. CD players that can have more than one CD loaded into them at a time**.  This one time, I had a car*** and I would put a CD into the player and it would eat it up.  So I would put another one in and then after a while, I had no more CD's left.  And I would get in and a different band would be playing than when I got out and it was very confusing.  Until someone pointed out that I had a 6CD player.  I still don't know how to get them out but will use that as a selling point when it's time to let the car go. "2003 Mazda 6S (S for Sport) - comes with alternative paint job on rear bumper, cool boy-racer exhaust/muffler**** sound and 6 CDs".
7. Taxes. And why I have to pay them.  Every year I do mine with Turbo Tax and my eyes closed.  You win some, you lose some.
8. Time Zones.  Today, it is tomorrow and several hours ahead somewhere. Unless it is yesterday and several hours behind some other place.  Try explaining that to a small child and not looking crazy.  Or a cat.
9. The Lottery. How come I never win?  Seems a very unfair system.
10. Sewing. Why get an expensive machine when staples and tape will do the same job.

*I'm pretty sure there is going to be a bunch of you that will give me most excellent tips on how to do 1 and 2. Don't. I've got a system now. It's not perfect and sometimes there is cursing and open wounds but if you come and stay, it will look perfect. Just don't touch anything or look underneath.
**I realize this is now a bit obsolete but it's a step up from the CD player in the trunk/boot so I think I'm still relevant...
***I still have this car.  If you want to buy it, I am selling it for a lot of money.  It's totally worth it. 
****And smell.  Think these two pieces of the car might be the same?

Terrible Accidents That Have Happened To Me

When candles fight...

Suicidal Orchid

Day is ruined

Game over.

 

Before photo of cat vomit on bathmat. For the sake of those with weaker stomachs, I won't post the after photo. Just know that the bathmat doesn't look like this anymore. Also, was probably not an accident...

Face-off between leather(ish) skirt and open drawer. 

 Drawer: 1. Skirt: 0. 

Kirsten:10 - Full refund.  Don't argue with me.

No comment - you know who you are.

Ceramic cheese knife vs. waste disposal

Does not double as eyelash curler.

The car is ruined.

Tossed phone onto the couch, bounced off 3 walls, hit a lamp and killed a small child

Bugger*

* Just kidding - he's not dead.

Things That Are Difficult To Do

I need an adult

Putting eyeliner on one of your eyes - nailed it.

Getting shell out of cracked egg