Flying First Class

I have flown First Class exactly 3 times in my life which is pretty minimal (and very sad) given the amount of flying I've done. Every one of these times was by accident.

1. Flying with my then boyfriend from London to New York. This was my Xmas present and we were flying Air India. It was booked months in advance so when we got to the airport and they had seated us separately, I was not happy. How am I supposed to have a romantic flight with some stranger next to me...I mean, I could probably make it work.  Anyway after one of us had a little hissy fit* we were upgraded to First Class. Which was very exciting. Until we got on board. First Class on Air India looked an awful lot like business class on other flights and this was before those lying down fancy bed things. As payback** we were in the last row in these fancy leather seats...that couldn't extend back all the way because of the barrier separating us from the riffraff in Economy. As payback to them, I sucked them dry of free champagne. As payback to me, I had a terrible hangover. Payback really is a bitch because all of a sudden, it's not payback anymore, it's a feud. Like the Hatfield's and the McCoy's. But in aviation.
2. Flying to England from Portland for a wedding. I started out in Economy, seated next to a very nice business man in a suit (I introduced him to yoga pants for flying). We had a good chat, then I took out my kitting*** and he went to sleep. Except for his hands. They were wide awake and all over me. He had the nerve to snore as well, as if he really was asleep. I poked the Attendant button with my needle and pointed at him and his hands and she moved me up to first class. Like, real first class! Like mimosa's in the middle of the night first class. Best flight ever. I'll let someone get frisky with me in their fake sleep anytime if the rewards are like this.
3. Flying to San Francisco for a job interview.  Pretty sure my first class seat was an accident because the company flying me out there booked it last minute and I think that's all that was left.  I flew back economy and that was after they offered me the job.  I didn't take it - how could I work for a company that flies me back on economy??  I have First Class tastes but an Economy paycheck...

*It was me. I do hissy better than him.
**Pretty sure it was deliberate which is one of the dangers of a hissy fit - you have to know when you've gone too far. I might have gone too far.
***Apparently wooden knitting needles are ok on a flight - this was after 911 - but a pocket knife is not? I think I'd rather be stabbed by the tiny blade on a pocket knife than have a knitting needle stuck in my ear where it can poke my brain out the other one. Pretty sure this is possible. I just Googled accidental death by knitting needle - an average of 2 a year. Probably grandmas.  People, let's try and keep Grandma safe and exercise some knitting needle safety procedures. 

I know this is stretching it when it comes to the actual blog topic but there is nothing funny that I could find about First Class flying other than rich people laughing at all the poor people in economy and this is a chicken in a knitted zip-up suit!!  I will say, it's not doing anything for her figure.  Wool can be very unforgiving...

Cousins

Apparently July 24th was Cousin's Day and I missed it so this post is in honor of my cousins and step-cousins. In terms of cousins, my family is split between New Zealand, the US and Australia (and one in The Netherlands). When I was 13 my grandfather remarried and I got 9 new cousins in addition to the 5 I already had. Everybody ranged in age and I lost top billing as being the oldest which might have bothered me back then but am quite happy about it now. Second oldest is just fine. So here's to my cousins and remembering the good times. Like...

1. ...when our grandparents married* and we had the wedding out at the goat farm and the wedding pig on a spit set the carport on fire? No big deal, the Uncles just hosed it down. We will rebuild...
2. ...having a new girl cousin a bit older than you and getting on like a house on fire. Similar to a carport on fire from a roasted pig on a spit. She was pretty outdoorsy, was actually a top Kiwi triathlete and I did everything I could to keep up with her. Including going along with some of her not so great ideas. Like the time she thought we should chop a path through the native bush so we could build a house in the middle. We got machetes** from the shed and starting hacking away. Luckily I know how she works so I was pretty sure that by the time we went back to the house for lunch, that would be the end of it. To this day, you can still see the spot where we made no noticeable progress at all.
3. ...the time my girl cousin thought she found an abandoned boat in the marina and decided to adopt it so she could live on it. Anyone else see any flaws in this plan? But first we had to go on a recon mission to check it out and see what work it would require to turn it into a houseboat. Again, anyone see anything wrong with this? So we grabbed the dinghy and rowed out into the marina - it's different now but at the time no one went swimming in that part of the lake because it was infested with swan poop. I was instructed to keep the boat stable while she made the transition from the dinghy onto the potential floating home***. I might have failed. It's kind of like those movies when you see two cars racing down the highway while one person straddles the two and everyone cheers and then a truck and a tractor get involved and at the last minute everyone lives but only just. This was exactly the same, except on the water, without trucks or tractors, very little cheering and a not so happy (or dry) ending. There she was, straddling the two boats while I used my rowing skills to keep the dinghy steady. Except that I didn't. And the dinghy began to pull away from the boat as she determinedly maintained her position. Temporarily.
4. ...going on Easter Egg hunts - especially if you're the oldest directing the operation so that the egg to cousin ratio comes out in your favor.****
5. ...ditching your siblings when you've had enough and going over to the cousin side.
6. ...blaming shit on*****
7. ...when your cousin says he's going to sweep your feet out from under you by kicking them away but not to worry because he's then going to catch you. Only he doesn't and you hit the floor and get knocked out. And then you wake up and he's commandeered a friend to take you out to the back garden. He claims for air, I think it was to bury me. You're probably thinking we were quite young. 31 is pretty young. Beer can lead you to believe that you have better king-fu skills than you actually do. It also makes being knocked out, kind of hilarious.
8. ...when you take your cousin on a trip to England and they hook up with your friend...

*Yeah, I know how that sounds
**Two teenage girls walking down the road with machetes in hand. No one batted an eyelid.
***Potential was the one thing this boat didn't have. It was floating and that was about its only saving grace.
****Hi
*****Sorry. The pocket knife incident, umm, that was me. 

Belated...

Naked and Afraid

Has anyone seen the show Naked and Afraid?* Basically a male and female are dropped off in a remote jungle, beach type area filled with all kinds of poisonous, bitey, killy things and expected to survive for 21 days. And they have to do it naked. They don't know each other but both have survivalist type skills either from the military or running survival schools.

Each brings one survival item - usually a machete and a fire starter. Neither of which was the first thing on my mind to bring - umm, shoes, chocolate, my own survival expert, food (invariably, there is very little food where they are and it all has to be caught and cooked and then there are dramas with getting fires started, not enough food that isn't a leaf or worm yadda yadda yadda. Have never actually seen anyone catch more than a snake, so am not convinced they are much chop with trapping and hunting skills), a blow up bed, a blankie, a helicopter to get me the hell out of there. Actually a helicopter is a brilliant idea. One of you brings the chopper and the other brings the pilot. You can sleep in it at night and stay warm without having to build a shelter. Then during the day you can fly around and find water and drop nets to trap wild animals. Why has no one ever thought of this? And they call themselves survivalists.

At the end of the 21 days they have to hike or swim to the extraction point where their emaciated bodies can barely muster up the strength for a high five. The best part? They always give the map to the woman. Which I am all in favor of although isn't the reason men aren't given the map because they refuse to stop and ask for directions when they are quite clearly lost? Am not sure that this works to the woman's advantage in the wilderness - have yet to see a wild animal point them in the right direction. God, it's such great TV! At the beginning their skills are assessed and they're given a PSR (Primitive Survival Rating) which is then re-evaluated at the end of the show after their performance. Being in a snit the whole time, cutting yourself with the machete 2 minutes into the show and eating things that are quite clearly poisonous will all lower your score.

About 5 episodes into a marathon watching session, I started thinking about my own survival skills and what I would bring to the table. I also noticed that despite watching multiple seasons, I had learned and retained nothing of the tips they were giving. Ergo, retention of knowledge is not on my list. However, the following is:

1. Am very bossy
2. Am also very lazy so like to think that bossy side will prevail but seems unlikely. Therefore, skills have cancelled each other out and I am back to the beginning
3. Can not start a fire to save myself but if my survival partner is hot then I will cuddle the shit out of him and keep each other warm. Until he gets all gross and dirty and then I'm going home
4. Will not eat anything yucky so will therefore come home looking very svelte.
5. Have a negative attitude which will force the other person to be positive. You're welcome.
6. Don't know the first thing about building a shelter but have watched men put up my tent many times and a beer would be nice. Also, I always say thank you and good manners are essential when one is in the wilderness
7. Have given myself a PSR of 1.

*It's on the Discovery Channel so is obviously legit.

When Monday Goes Horribly Terribly Wrong. Again.

It's taken me a week to get over the trauma of last Monday and write this. Even now, I'm feeling a little anxious and hoping I make it through today's Monday. They say things come in three's - I think that's just to lull you into a false sense of security once the third thing hits you. Then you relax and "bam", the fourth one hits you and no amounting of screaming at the sky "But I already had 3" will make any difference. In fact, you will look like a nut job.

1. I woke up to discover that the power had gone out at about 11:30pm on Sunday night. No one told me because I was asleep and Albert didn't notice that there was no internet or cable TV. When I got ready for work, there was an estimated resolution time of 8am. Most of the fridge food* was already done for but I threw a few things into the slightly cooler freezer in the hopes of salvaging them once the power came back on. Which it did. At 4pm. The reason for a power outage affecting 2200 people for that long? Mylar Balloons. These are the foil balloons that have "Happy Birthday" or "Sorry Your Power Went Out" on them. According to LADWP, two of them hit the lines and knocked out a massive chunk of Los Angeles destroying my food and the neighbor's breast milk. But more importantly, what is going on when balloons can take out our power supply?What's next? A kite hitting the water supply? Who cares about the Zombie Apocalypse when we can be taken down by balloons and kites.
2. Confident yet sadly mistaken that power would be restored imminently, I headed off to a doctor's appointment on my way to work. I was in and out pretty quickly only to find that my car was completely dead. The good news is that my stereo still worked so I was able to entertain myself. The bad news is that I was at the bottom level of the parking building and had no cellphone reception so I had to leave my dance party in a car and head up to call Triple A. Who were pretty awesome and got there, diagnosed a flat battery and replaced it with a new one, all in 30 minutes. Scott and I talked about our jobs and I offered to switch with him but only for 4 hours, a 12 hour shift is not really my cup of tea. Other than that, I think I would be pretty good at it. As long as I didn't have to fix anything.
3. After a long day, I headed home all set to to go yoga the shit out of Monday, only to step in Albert's version of Monday in the hallway. I know, you're wondering if it can get any worse. Yes it can.
4. No one brought me donuts even though I really wanted them

*No big deal, how were they to know that Sunday was my grocery shopping day and my fridge and freezer were full?

Have You Ever Been On A Date...

Where; 

1. Your prospective date asks you out and then requests to be picked up at the train station* because he doesn't own a car but informs you that he is doing you the courtesy of coming to you and;
2. Asks you to pick a restaurant within his budget limits** and finally;
3. Asks you to find a Sports Bar*** to go to so he can watch the game before we go to dinner?

No, me either. Have you heard the story about a straw that broke a camel's back?

*I could live with this one and pretended he didn't own a car because he was environmentally conscious instead of the truth that he was going from Real Estate to Massage Therapy (without any training) and therefore had no job and sold his...
**I have no issue with a budget but if you ask me out, shouldn't you put some effort into finding the place?
***No.

This wasn't a recent event, just remembered it when he tried to solicit business from me recently through Twitter.  He's now doing alternative energy sources...guess that massage therapy "because I have good hands" didn't really pan out.

Viber

Who uses Viber?  Or WhatsApp?  Brilliant, right?  Makes my heart skip for joy knowing that I am texting and calling friends and family* all over the world for free and no greedy phone company is taking my money.

Right now my Mum is on an amazing European trip - I'm seriously impressed with all the places she has been to, the miles she has cycled and the experiences she has had**.  However, we're still working on the Viber part.  I get great messages from her describing her day and where they've been and then she sends a picture that she's taken.

"Look at this fantastic castle we cycled past today."

 Actually this is her cat, Gus - apparently waiting to be served and halfway through his glass of wine.  So, we're working on this and now that the trip has come to an end, she's pretty much nailed it, have not see this picture of Gus in the last 2 weeks.

And for anyone that thinks I'm being mean, I am very proud of her for doing this and mastering the technology now that she no longer has a flip phone.  But it's still funny... 

*Well, I called once. 
**Wine.  And castles

Event No. 2

So for my Saturday night I decide to go to a new Meet-Up group event.  For those of you that don't know about Meet-Up...good.  Invariably they are pretty average. But there is a Meet-Up group for anything you can think of* and some of them have a pretty big turnout.  This one was supposed to have 533 people and I was planning on talking to 530 of them - there's always a few that you don't want to bother with.  It was titled "Christmas in July Bonfire".  July was correct.  Everything else, not so much.  Apparently last year's was held at the beach but due to the fact that you can't drink alcohol on any SoCal beach without getting ticketed by the police, the location was changed.  To a Credit Union.  I know - that's the first place I thought of too.  Because nothing says "Christmas in July Bonfire" like a Credit Union**

Still, it was a pretty well organized event and I admire the coordinator for pulling that many people together.  The big drawcard for me was the 2 Lechon pigs that she ordered (and the S'mores but I wasn't quick enough for them).  Basically 2 fat suckling roast piggies eyeballing me.  One of them even had teeth still.  I probably could have done without seeing their faces, snouts and little legs propped up underneath them.  But I managed to push through and eat his left flank anyway.

There's no point texting him, he's dead.

Think he has probably had better days...

Silently screaming...

Woo hoo bonfire!  Now that's what I call a...well a fire in a grate.

This was a gathering for  "Professionals" (but I went anyway).  As did this gentleman.  Nothing says "Professional;" like a tank top with the words "Who needs big guns, when you've got a big dick."

 *I just thought of at least ten things that there are not Meet-Up groups for so that's not true.
**Courtyard and parking lot so plenty of space.  Although only about 200 showed up so I was able to really stretch out in front of the bonfire.

The First Of My Weekend Events...

Neither of which was a success* but at least it gives me something to write about...

USC Pacific Asia Museum in Pasadena was having a "Fusion Friday" night. With wine. Why would I turn that down? I love wine. That sounds like they invited me as an honored guest. Not so, I invited myself and honored them with my presence. But just for an hour*...

The evening's festivities.  Note: Did not win the prize but did win Happy Hour.  If winning Happy Hour means buying wine.

This person let me sit next to them on their bench.  It was their first selfie...

One of these things is not like the other.  That's right, old guy in the background - get out of my authentic cultural photo.  And stop making it blurry.

This is the Korean drumming section leaving.  They waited until I went to the bathroom before starting and we synchronized our finish times..I'm sure they were excellent.

What you're not seeing here is the girl dancing with ribbons on her hat.  You're seeing the spot that she was in.  I'm sure she was excellent too.  Probably feels like you're getting the complete cultural experience with all of my quality photos. 

Possibly a blind sheep?

Very pretty lily pond.  Mostly none of my feet landed in here when trying to take a photo of aforementioned cultural events.

Craft center - putting clothes on the Korean dolls.  Not my hands.  I would have done it better.  And used buttons.

At least he gave her eyes.  Tried to help with my previous female garden gnome painting experience but there was a language barrier...

Car Park (Parking Lot) Dragon.  Does not watch over car park, I had to park on the street - thought he would have saved me a spot.

*And by success, I mean I did not win the door prize of millions of dollars, make new friends or have an awesome time.
**Am not sure they noticed I was there. Or that I left...

The Calm That Yoga Brings

You're sitting there breathing into your core, out through your lats and letting everything go that happened that day for 90 minutes of "you" time. Nothing can disturb your zen-like flow. Except for the screeching outside of a car coming to an abrupt halt. You barely have time to move past that and continue your breathing because someone just smacked into the back of the first car. Collectively you all gasp which is a good indication that (a) None of us was actually in the zen-like zone and (b) we're all pretty nice because we felt bad. Well, not me because they should have been watching what they were doing, but everyone else*. This is not my first accident while at yoga, it's prime position for regular occurrences. Thankfully have not seen anyone get hurt.** 

Since I don't want to be insensitive and show a picture of the car crash (which would imply that I ran out of yoga and snapped a shot - which I did not.  Because no one else was going...) and I couldn't find any yoga pose crashes other than myself tipping forward in Crow and not so gently touching my nose to the ground, I am entertaining you all with a cute cat picture.

Honestly, you never know what you're going to get at yoga.

*Think they were checking out our Downward Dogs...
**Added that in case people thought my earlier comment was a bit callous.

Flirting Skills

I don't have any. When someone says something nice, I should smile sexily and respond with something other than "potato". Also, looking at them and hoping they know what I am thinking does not appear to be working either. Not sure this is my fault other than for picking stupid people. I'm kind of banking on seducing someone with my awkwardness.  I hope you weren't looking for advice.

Sacrifices

In order to meet new people, sometimes one must do things that they would not normally choose to do. And they must pretend to like it. And get the tee-shirt. And maybe even a bumper sticker. For me this is joining a Social Sports League*. There are several around and they usually have two options - Competitive and Non-Competitive. I rank myself at below Non-Competitive when it comes to sports unless we are talking Crosswords or Scrabble in which case I will rip you apart.

When I lived in Portland, I joined a Kickball league which is not a sport we have in New Zealand. Despite being on a team made up of friends of mine, it was not a huge success. In the first game, while I successfully caught the ball (a minor miracle), I then got taken out by an opposing team member who viewed tagging the base differently to me. Ended up with bloody knee, torn pants and a "Player of the Game" pity award. Also pizza. Which quite frankly was the only reason I joined in the first place.

So, if I must, I am prepared to try this again** but honestly, I would rather do any of these first:

1. Poke my eyeballs out with a stick. Doesn't even need to be sharp or pointy
2. Walk on Lego
3. Go shopping for swimsuits and/or jeans
4. Mop hardwood floors
5. Go to the tip/dump
6. Go to work
7. Move house
8. Eat sardines
9. Sing in public
10. Master Math

*Is there a league out there that will just let come to the games and watch but participate in the drinking and eating at bars afterwards? Because I think I would excel at that. I'll even pay full dues...I think we can all agree that everyone is better off when I don't play.
**First, one must make the decision on which sport to play:

• Dodgeball seems dangerous given my face's ability to catch balls. 
• Kickball is a little more likely but not if they expect any level of skill. 
• Soccer - despite having played for a lot of my childhood, very little rubbed off and I'm not good for much more than prancing around by the goal post pretending I am participating. 
• Basketball - let me stop you right there. 
• Softball - I don't think I should be in charge of a bat. 
• Volleyball - it's possible but I'm not doing it in a bikini. Or on sand. Or on a court. Ok, I guess I'm not doing volleyball. 
• Darts - traumatic experience involving a backwards flying dart and a war veteran's head has ruled this out. 
• Pool/Snooker - yes but I'm only good during beers 2 and 3. Before and after are a bit random so there's a very small window.
• Bowling - makes me angry

LA River Rafting...Through Pictures

Not a kayak. 

River shoes.  Always be prepared.  And if you can be prepared in pink, all the better.

River shoes in action.  My goal was to keep my feet dry and preserve my pretty shoes.  Nailed it...

Friends of the LA River stop off point.  Absolutely no frogs.  Very misleading.

Spied some wildlife and crept up close to get a shot.  Also, man in a helmet.  Birds apparently not afraid of him.  He is the Bird Whisperer.

Paddle instruction.  I aced this.  Only hit two people with my paddle and hardly fell down the bank at all.  Probably get an award of some sort...

Ahhh.  How's the serenity...

When you go kayaking, always take 5 teenagers with you.  It'll be awesome (ish).

Very hard to take a selfie in a kayak.  Let's all pretend this man is me.  Except I was better.

Just your classic river graffiti...PTB - Pop The Boat? 

Everyone still intact - big improvement on 2 mins before.  They're all acting super casual for this photo, as if they weren't arse backwards a few minutes ago.

Toot toot.

Can hardly tell we're surrounded by concrete.  Also, we can't get out.

I finally saw wildlife...even if he wouldn't turn around.  White Egret.  Looks like plastic shopping bag but pretty sure it's nature.

I feel bad...

...for not writing anything and disappointing my fan. Maybe I'll just knock something out now*.

Have you ever been kayaking in the LA River? I have. So that's ten points for me and none for you. It's a pretty different experience** than any other kayaking I've done - you're basically going down a canal that's concreted and fenced on either side. This was done around 1938*** after catastrophic flooding made it necessary and now it's basically a flood control channel. That may or may not be right - I was mostly listening to the guide but as we know I'm easily distra...

Anyway, there is a whole eco system that developed and it's a pretty cool experience with a couple of rapids, 7 different types of fish (mostly carp, although as is normal when I approach, all wildlife immediately vacated the area) and some plants on the side that made a point of grabbing me every time.

So, if you come back tomorrow, fan, I'll share some pictures of some blurry things and water. It sounds so interesting and appealing. I can hardly wait.

*Done
**Well there was that one time at camp when we had to learn how to roll back up if we got trapped upside down. Technically I believe it's called an Eskimo Roll. I may have mentioned this before but this was not one of those things that I nailed. I know, I can hardly believe it either. Anyway, in a nutshell, I ended up with hypothermia and had to be driven home, vomiting and delirious. Just between me and my fan - I remember thinking I had to go to the bathroom and then thinking I was there and peeing in my sleeping bag. Pretty sure that thing just got rolled up and put back in the cupboard. I don't use that one.
***That's History, right there.  You're welcome.

So...

...you know what happens when the person that works for you, quits? It means you are too busy to write in your non-profitable blog. My job, my blog? Only one of these things actually pays me. I should have brought her donuts. That would make me stay. I'm a terrible manager. I forgot the donuts.

Anyway. Maybe I will write something tomorrow. Maybe Wednesday. Maybe I will win the lottery. Maybe someone will bring me donuts. If I win the lottery, I will buy all the world's donuts. Then there will be a massive donut party. But you will have to bring cupcakes or something because these are my donuts. Actually, now I want your cupcakes. Everything that is yours, I want to be mine. I'm going through a selfish phase.

Dating Apps That Work

Slightly inaccurate title since as yet it is untested but I'm going to create my own dating app. It will be very successful*. The odds will be excellent as I am restricting the number of women allowed to join. To one.

*For me.

Thursday*

Comes after Wednesday and before Friday. It's also the day of the week where I find I have no thoughts and have done nothing but work and yoga, both of which I have written about before. Incidentally, it also means Thor's Day which entitles you to go around and hit people with hammers. Some call it Friday Eve which is a ploy to make oneself feel better about the fact that it is not Friday at all. It's kind of a useless day that just reminds you that your week is still not over.

Are you going to be the one to say no to Thor?

*Honestly, I wouldn't even bother reading this.  Unless you're really bored.  In which case, as my mother used to say (and then I would say in return...):

• Have a nice drink of water. Oh great idea, I'm so much less bored now.
• Why don't you use your imagination. I'm imagining not being bored and it's really great.
  
• Clean your room.  Generally not even dignified with a response.
• Do you want to learn how to iron? Can I?  Add that to my resume of non-boring things.
• Play a game with your brother.  I did.  I cut his hair and left it behind your bedroom door but you don't like me playing that game.
• Go outside and run around.  In circles?  To a location?  Have you met me?  I read.  I don't run.  

Aries Horoscope

Aries the Ram

Whatever - close enough.

Let me preface this by saying:

1. I did not look at where Mercury is intertwining with Jupiter and whether anything was retrograde in anyone's full moon
2. I don't know what my fifth house or my home sector in my Friday moon means and the fact that I have a tense angle betwwen the sun and Uranus is a little awkward.
3. Apparently Saturday's full moon is in Capricorn. Which sounds uncomfortable for Capricorn.
4. Given all of the above, I think I am supremely qualified to give advice and with just a small grain of salt, I think you can make it work for you too. Don't even worry if you're an Aries or not.

Today you will get up and go to work. The time will go very slowly until you go to bed. Then it will speed up. That's because Mercury is pissy with your sleep house being in Gemini's zone*. You may or may not find money. Probably not. Because of Uranus and stars not aligning. But next month will be better. Next month is always better but it never arrives.

Aries is a fire sign. This means you can light yourself on fire and it will not hurt. Go ahead and try. You will meet the perfect man. Then you will wake up. Your creativity house is at the forefront of Mars so you should definitely start a home decorating business.  Just quit your normal job and start doing this.  It will totally work out**. 

This is very true.  If you ignore me, I will ignore you back and I will be better at it.  I will ignore the shit out of you.

Also true - honestly I don't know why people think horoscopes are rubbish.  Just see above - ignore me and I will murder you.  And that will be a very hard lesson to learn.  There's very little coming back from murder.

*Makes sense. 
**Until Mars moves.

Hiking Through Pictures

Last Thursday, I decided to take a day off to remember a very special person and I decided to honor them by doing something they would have liked which was to go on a hike to some old ruins and take a lot of pictures. A couple of things I forgot:

1. I don't like hiking. I like going downhill, lunch and waterfalls I can swim in.
2. I do not like uphill
3. I do not like sweaty
4. I am not a photographer.  If the shot isn't great the first time then it's not my fault and I'm bored with it already.

But, I do like the feeling of accomplishment I get at the end. It's the beginning and middle I'm not so fond of. I picked Solstice Canyon out in Malibu for my hike because you can hike in to see an old mansion called Tropical Terrace that was built in the 50's and burnt down in the early 80's. I like to have a purpose for hikes, just going up to the top of some big mountain thing and coming down is not good enough. Unless there is a cafe at the top and a chair ride down.

Perfect day for...not climbing up this.

More my style - nice and flat.  Could do with more park benches.  Also I peed under that tree.

The New Zealand Mudsnail.  Australia has its snakes and poisonous spiders, Florida has its gators and we have...the mudsnail.  You think Zombies are bad?  Wait until a mudsnail has you in it's sights and starts chasing you.  Although you probably have a fair bit of time to get away...

Safe to say this is dead.

You might think this is the top.  But you would be wrong...If there was a Suggestion Box, I would have suggested that this be the top.

It looked a lot steeper when I was there.  I think I have made this look too easy.  Can you see the path winding through the trees at the bottom?  I should have stayed there.

Some dumb tree thing.

There's a lot of dead up here.  No blackberries in sight.  Just climbing up a sodding great hill to look at dead plants.  Whose idea was this?

Photo of something you can't really see.  I have a lot of these. 

This is another one.  Boring, isn't it?

Ooh look!  More of the same. On the plus side I'm getting closer to sitting down

Closer...

And I made it.  Bit disappointing to be honest. 

And I'm not surprised it burned down, look at all the chimneys.

It was very tropical down at the ruins after the dryness of the canyon top above.  There were supposed to be parrots. 

Instead I got a snake.  Which I have identified as an Anaconda (the photo shows him as being deceptively small which is not helping to convey the extreme danger I was in).  I was about ready to go all Downward Dog on his arse but then he looked at me. 

So I just waited for him to leave.  Which he didn't but I didn't really want to go that way.

This is a SoCal waterfall - bit on the dry side.  Did not get the swim I was hoping for...

This is a very rare butterfly that I am the first to discover.  I have named it "Brown Butterfly".  Or Moth for short.

So this is what socks are for.

Get out of my picture.

Pacific Coast Highway