Most of you don't know how important I am but I actually manage someone which strikes me as being very important. Both for my level of importance and for them because I am shaping this person's future with my excellent advice* and my ability** to help grow his skills and therefore progress his career.
So far things are going pretty well although he hasn't brought me donuts yet and that's probably a fire-able offence, no?
I will keep you updated on his progress and how many gold stars I have given out. So far, I have awarded myself 12 because of the way I bring myself coffee, the fact that I show up to work and because I haven't thrown anything at him yet. I'm like the nicest boss ever. Pretty sure my last person did not leave because of me. This one time, I said thank you and gave her cheese***.
*Excellent as determined by me
**My ability is a bit sketchy in parts. Sometimes my sentences start out strong and then I remember I don't know what I'm talking about so I just stop and look expectantly at them. This is an excellent tactic because either they nod and tell me they understand, in which case we both go about our business being none the wiser about anything but content that we are on the same wavelength or they tell me they're not sure what I mean and can I elaborate. No. If I could elaborate, I would have finished the sentence and there would be diagrams instead of me creating geometric shapes with my lunch carrots and using those as examples of carrots in quadrilaterals. The best way to handle this is to tell them to think about what I've said, maybe try Google and come back when they have a better understanding. "I don't want to give you all the answers, I want to see what your thought process is like and have you propose ideas to me." The best is when they agree to this and go away. The second best is when they come back (although going away is always my preference. It's because I don't like people and I'm not allowed to hire my cat) with a solution and then both of us now know what's going on.
***Classic sign of a good boss
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