What Happens When You Don't Have A Surfing Lesson...

...you have nothing to write about. While we all know I'm living the Hollywood dream, it's not all glitz and glamor. Apparently the swells were too big this past weekend for beginners, even though I like to think of myself as Intermediate* level. So, we'll have to reschedule that for another time. Made me recall an event from my childhood though - family trip to Hawaii (the home of my birth) when I was 16. A lot of boogie boarding, which naturally I also excel at**and an encounter with the bottom of the ocean. Punched me in my eye and blackened it. I am somewhat mortified to report that upon surfacing, I grabbed the board and yelled obscenities at the water while trying to hit it with the board. FYI - the water did not notice and seemed to fear me not at all. Everyone else noticed.

This post is dedicated to the person that called me up to tell me my posts were "a bit weak of late" and "we" needed to step up our game. "WE" don't write this blog, I do and all of my loyal followers now hate you. Go on, Mum, tell him how mad you are. Look, mister, it's not easy to write 5 days a week when nothing is happening in your life. Perhaps you'd like to make a donation equivalent to my day job salary and then I'll step up my game. No? Then you'll get what you're given and you'll bloody well like it.

This post could also be titled - 101 on how to write a blog post about a non-event. Pretty much like all of my posts. Can you imagine how good I was at essay writing at school? Just skirt around the topic for 4-5 paragraphs and end with confidence. Before they know it, they've given me an A+ while learning nothing from me. I'm going to add this to my resume.

• Experienced professional with skills in elaborating on things that have no bearing on anything and are of no use to anyone.

*I had a dream that I could surf and I was excellent so pretty sure that does not make me a beginner. Also I have friends that surf. That also makes me experienced.  And sometimes I have surfer hair.  Starting to rethink the need for this lesson...
**Let's just agree that I excel at everything. We'll get along a lot better.