Jobs I have had - Part 2

I forgot I had written Part 1 of this and since I have had a lot of jobs*, I'm thinking I can really stretch this out

My best job ever?  Painting female garden gnomes. I picked this job up from the job board at University** where it had been posted by a lesbian couple that were pissed off that there was no such thing as a female garden gnome.  Apparently when they researched it, they found that you don't see female garden gnomes because they're underground in the kitchen, looking after the children...sometimes research does not help a situation.  I know, I can hardly believe how little publicity has been given to the sexist gnome industry.  It's a hotpot of contention, right out there in your garden.

So, they set out to rectify the situation.  They created concrete casts and churned out three different female gnomes - Female Doctor Gnome, Regular Garden Variety Female Gnome and Female Musician Gnome.  There was a lot of trial and error, the first one they ended up with was Female Slutty Barbie Gnome***.  Several others committed suicide in the kiln.  Suicide by explosion.

Finally they ended up with an acceptable counterpart to all the man gnomes out there.  Unfortunately when it came to painting them and filling in the detail on their faces, there was a lack of a creative gift.  So they hired me.  I would go to their place 3 times a week for about 3-4 hours and paint female garden gnomes.  They left me alone with the radio, a cup of tea, biscuits and their corgi asleep on my feet.  I've never been happier.  

One of the women is a fairly well-known author in New Zealand and in one of her books she actually makes mention of me.  I'm all about proof that ridiculous sounding situations like this actually happen to me.

Unfortunately, I not only don't get an actual name but she also fails to make mention of my Van Gogh-like skills.  I've since moved on to much more sophisticated work.  I think we all remember my niece's Valentines Day gifts??

After a while, they lost interest in the Female Garden Gnome business and I was out of work.  Mostly because they had several stolen from their garden and had to make the call to the Police to report them missing.  You don't get a lot of support from the Police in situations like that.  A lot of hysterical laughing but not support.

Let me just say that the one on the left was done by me.  The other one.  Was not.

Here's one of the miniature ones, complete with my custom butterfly.  Each variety had a custom addition.  A red cross or stethoscope for Dr Gnome, a treble clef for Musician Gnome and the butterfly for Garden Gnome.

*I had trouble figuring out my true calling.  Still not quite there..
**Back when you looked for jobs in the newspaper and "online" wasn't even a word.  
***The artist felt she had some leeway (she did not) with the sketches of a sturdy female gnome in sensible dress and clogs. Heels really elongate the gnome legs.