Online Dating - My Last Attempt: Part 1

Every now and again I go back to try Online Dating so I can gather more evidence to prove that it's a failure and because it gives me such great blog material. This time was no exception. To be honest, it's probably 96% my fault and 112% theirs. Also, I won't date anyone that isn't as good at Math as me.

Now before anyone gets all upset, let me just point out:

1. I have carefully preserved everyone's anonymity by covering up photos, numbers, screen names, email addresses etc and I won't reveal the actual dating company/app. However if you recognize your own comment/profile, consider this a public service - my advice might actually help in which case you owe me money and your first-born.
2. I am not poking fun at the people for whom English is a second language - obviously they won't always get the correct turn of phrase but these are American-born men...
3. These are screenshots of actual responses to my profile and the profiles of men that would like to meet me.
4. There are a lot of men who want to go walking on the beach.  At sunset (very few interested in sunrise so I suspect they are lazy).  So, if you are single, I suggest you go walk on the beach - apparently like shooting fish in a barrel...

Here are some example of ones that just aren't going to work:

1929 miles away?  Yes, this sounds like a great start.

Umm.  Maybe?  Translation, please.  Which part of my profile did you take to mean that I spoke Spanish?  The part where I said I speak English?

The best pick-up lines ever...that will never work.  Take note.

No.

I don't like competition.  You lose.  Also, in all your photos you are wearing sunglasses...

Possibly you also landed on your head.

And then these gems...

This gentleman knows what he wants...I also respects learning.  Cos of my good education.

 

Frist.  I am not on www.affluentsingle.com. Because I am not affluent.  Is there a www.doingokbutdon'thaveenoughmoney tobuyeverythingIwant.com?  Because I will be on that one.  And I'm not sure we know each other well enough for you to call me "Dear".  You're not my grandmother.

He has some specific sized clothing for you...also a "simple pat".  I mean who doesn't like a "simple pat" - I know lots of dogs that would love that.

This is the same guy - in addition to his other charms (like dictating what size you should be), he also tips well.  Which is good because that's always number one on my list of things to look for in a man...

First of all, he is right, I am an Angel (although some have called me an Angle - feel that is not as flattering...).  Secondly, I particularly like how he has spelled out the yahoo - dot - com.  Not everyone takes the time to do that these days and it just feels a little more personal.  Thirdly, I'm not sure how he knows I am real and true after reading my profile since I don't have one.  Just 2 pictures, my screen name and general location. 

Happily, I have plenty more - until tomorrow...