Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Writing in diaries is boring. It feels like a good idea and then you start and after "Dear Diary", that's all you have. Kind of like a bath. A bath sounds like a nice, warm idea and then once it's full, you get in and then you're hot and bored.

I like those diaries that have a section in the beginning for you to fill out all your details. I have a lot of those. And some spare paper at the back.

I think you're supposed to write down your feelings and then it's supposed to help. Let's try. I am mad. No. Didn't help.

Maybe I'm supposed to confess my secret crush to my diary? Can my diary do anything about it? Will you stop me from calling and texting him until he realizes I'm normal? Will you stop me from falling in love with someone I can't have and then eating 10x the suggested serving size? No. Ergo, useless. I rest my case.

Dear Diary - a bit later in the day:

I thought I had a new feeling but it turned out to be gas.

Dear Diary - 10 minutes since last entry:

Nothing has happened since I last wrote to you. I could make something up if you like? I mean lets face it, it's not like you'll know if it's true. I think you've been given too much power over the years. All this writing to you that people do has given you a fat head. Because you're actually just a paper book with no useful advice and you don't deliver cupcakes. Also you are wet and soggy. That might be my fault. Shouldn't have tried to write in my boring diary while sitting in my boring bath. 

But somewhere out there, somebody is thinking of you and the tremendous influence you had on their life that led to all their successes.  But it's not me...I think you're boring.

Dear Diary - 4 years later:

Sorry, it's been a while but I didn't have anything interesting to tell you.  And then today while I was at work, we talked about getting additional training and taking some courses and we were asked to submit our requests for consideration.  So I asked for helicopter lessons. But apparently we don't offer that kind of training, because that has nothing to do with our jobs.  I feel like that wasn't made clear and have now had to cross numbers 2, 3, 4, and 7 off my list.  Turns out ninja training, crocheting (although I would have been happy with macrame), blind hanging and making macaroons are not up for consideration.  However, I can learn to use Excel if necessary.  Which it is not, I am as good at Excel as I am at Math.  And don't even get me started on computer skills.  I use that mousey thing every day. I know that to reboot, you turn it off and on at the wall and when it stops working, you kick it.

Actually on reflection, nothing really happened.