How To Know If You Are A Zombie

Based on all my research and scientific data gathered from my head, I've come up with a definitive "Are you a Zombie" flow chart. It takes you through a quantitative and qualitative process using key trigger questions that allow you to input answers that then use a number of hyperbolic criteria to analyze and synthesize the results in a calibrated environment*.

This is actually a terrible way to find out if you are a Zombie. There are way too many variables. Also, I am unsure if Zombies can read. Apologies, I thought this would be more helpful than it is. More research required. Does anyone have a Zombie I can borrow?

*I think this is clear.
**Adding Zombie specialist to my resume.