Differences between America and New Zealand - Part 1*

• TV shows - we grew up with two channels. So we didn't get all the American shows, there's only so much you can fit on two channels and home grown, Australian and UK were lined up first. So, when Americans quote lines from shows or sing theme songs, I look blankly at them**. Someone at work laughed at my cardigan the other day and said I looked like Mr Rogers. I laughed and laughed. I don't know who that is. I don't think it's good.
• You have those paper things to put on the toilet seat. We squat. New Zealanders have very strong thighs. I feel like we missed this boat on this one. You win, America.
• Light switches - you push them down to turn them on. We push them up. You are wrong.
• You say y'all. We say it properly.***
• Received an email from a colleague yesterday who wanted to know if I was available to discuss a project. When I responded and said I was tied up, I got the following email: "WHAT??? Are you ok?"****
• We drive on the right side of the road. You do not.
• When I tell you I'm going to call in, I mean I'm stopping by so don't be acting all surprised when I show up while you're waiting for my phone call.
• If we invite you to an event and ask you to "bring a plate". Don't bring an empty plate. We're not poor, we have more than one plate, we just want you to put some food on it to share.
• Our power voltage will kick yours in the arse (no, not ass)
• Our policemen don't carry guns. They just ask you very politely to stop committing that crime. This has varying degrees of effectiveness. Sometimes they have to ask twice.
• When you go through our airports, the sniffer dogs aren't looking for drugs. They're looking for fruit. I realize that sounds ridiculous.

Our economy depends on keeping agricultural pests out of our environment.  Our cops may not carry guns but you will be shot if you bring an orange in.*****

• We use the metric system.  As does the rest of the world.
• When I ask you to put the jug on, I mean, for the love of god, make me a cup of tea. Gumboot, please.******
• We put sweaters on our penguins. I'm not saying we're more caring...just that your penguins are freezing.

Gratuitous cute animal shot in shameful attempt to gain more readers...

You have the Army, Navy, Marines and Airforce. We have this:

NZ Airforce

 

NZ Army

NZ Navy

But since you don't really know where we are, it's fine.

*Unless I can't think of any more, in which case, it's the end
**Not true - I pretend I know what they're talking about and fake sing along. Which is difficult.
***Just kidding. You know I love you, Texas. If you are offended by this, please let me know because I don't believe you're reading me. This is a test.
****Since he was clearly concerned, I put him out of his misery. " No, I'm tied up. Save me."
*****Not really but we will fleece you of $400
******Regular black tea