Tips For Losing Weight*

Diet To-Do List

1. Create a To-Do Diet List.
2. Check off first item**
3. Set goal of losing 30lbs by January 1. Only have 40 to go.
4. Focus: Lie on the couch concentrating really hard about losing weight and eating cake. I think this will work
5. Set realistic goals: On the one hand, I need to lose weight. On the other hand, doughnut
6. Come up with weight loss plan: I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to exercise everyday. I'm going to go on a diet and stick to it...oh is that cake?
7. Clean out cupboards of all naughty food - throw in trash***
8. Cheat on boyfriend - not food****.
9. Attend social occasions and focus on people not snacks*****.
10. Borrow someone else's Weight Watchers points when a big event comes up
11. Hope for food poisoning - that's 5lbs right there
12. Take it slow - remember you didn't put the weight on in a day. On the other hand, how much have I lost since this morning?
13. Make small changes to see results e.g. eat a cupcake without sprinkles. Have a waffle without syrup. Unless you're having a cupcake and waffle for dessert - then it's fine.
14. Remember, no one is judging you on your weight because you're a good person******.
15. You are what you eat. Today I am a lentil.

*Not actual tips - if I had any that worked, I would be a lot thinner. This would be a lot more useful and we would all be miserable together.
**Congratulate self on completing two items on list. Reward self with nap. And small snack. Of 12 cupcakes 
***Retrieve from trash - no point in good food going to waste.  Start tomorrow.  Again.
****Don't have boyfriend - food it is. 
*****Those people look delicious. 
******All lies