I actually didn't think that the Government Shutdown would have such a direct impact on me. But, here we are. Bear with me as I need to provide some background. Since it's too expensive to go home to New Zealand for Xmas and I don't have enough vacation time to make it worth the expensive, I've been looking for alternative Yuletide options.
I found the perfect solution - a Xmas cruise to Mexico. With my statutory holidays and only a couple of days leave, I can go on a 6 day cruise to Cabo and Puerta Vallarta. Everything is organized for me and it includes all my food. I can gamble in a floating casino - if I knew how to and had someone else's money to spend*. I can sing karaoke - if I could sing more than a monotone and a high pitched squeal. Eat anything I like - as long as it's gluten-free. Also I am allergic to food and frequently break out in fat. I can play mini-golf - except for my tuberculosis arm (see previous blog post). Go to the gym** and do sporting activities. I play sports***. Sounds perfect, right?
However, I didn't much fancy going on my own. Old men are partial to Kirsten and I didn't want an awkward incident with Santa. So, I asked my friend if she wanted to come, which of course she did and she invited two more to the party. Now, one of the friends works for Homeland Security and if you're very smart you can probably make the connection about how this is all going to end. And for the rest of you...I'm very pleased that Mr Homeland Security is coming as he will be able to protect us from danger. Obviously on a cruise there are ninjas and pirates and lasers and shit. But here's the kicker, he's been waiting to find out if he has a job in the Caribbean so he can figure out timing. So I had to sit and wait patiently, which I am excellent at. I restricted myself to asking if he's heard anything just twice a day. Which is not annoying at all.
Our target date to book was the beginning of October which coincides with when he will hear back - any later and we might not be able to get accommodation. Unfortunately the Government's target date to screw with my plans was also the beginning of October. So now they have shut down without asking me how I feel about it and Homeland Security cannot sit there and make an employment decision because that would constitute thinking and thinking means working and they are not allowed to think work.
So I hear you thinking (which you are allowed to do as long as you don't work for the Government), there must be a solution to this - why don't you just book your own cabins and hope that your own private security detail can join you and there will still be availability. Well, because single occupancy is as much as what it is costing us to have the Government shut down.
*Hi Someone else. Please send money.
**Don't be ridiculous, I'm on vacation. Honestly, I wish someone would do something about how lazy I am. I really felt like I wanted to work out this morning but then I wanted to not workout more. So...
***No I don't.
1 Ridiculous. No one says no to me, especially when I am accompanied by a giant boat full of fun, food and stuff that I don’t even know about yet.
So, in conclusion, the Government has ruined Xmas.
FYI - I fully support Obama and when I say Government, I mean everyone involved that ruined Xmas. To my Republican readers - hi. Please keep reading my blog.
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