Sit down, let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, this morning, my cat's eye fell out.*
A long, long time ago, last year,** Albert was outside playing in the back yard at his house*** in Beaverton, Oregon when a feral cat jumped him from behind. The cats name was Franco****. Apparently they had some beef over the property line?
By the time I got home from work, he was facing the wrong way on the couch, crying and his iris was bulging out. I immediately did what every good parent does and YouTubed how to poke cats iris back in. Surprisingly little out there. This was one of those times when a Hello Kitty band-aid is just not enough to fix it. Yes, that is normally how I fix him - stick a couple of band-aids on and neosporin him every time he walks past.
 |
| Problem solved |
 |
| Dear Neosporin - I gave you a free plug, how about you do the same for me? |
 |
| A little too late...this is his resigned look after about an hour of me chasing him around sticking band-aids on and trying to take his picture |
Thank goodness for the internet (what did people do before when their cats eye fell out?) because with a little searching, I found a place that specializes in cats eyes and we drove across the city in the dark and the howling wind and rain. Pretty sure both of us were crying at this point. Granted, he had more to cry about. But I've always been a sympathetic crier - what really kills me is the senseless fake deaths of actors on TV shows. Tragic.
Once we finally arrived, I rushed him in and the receptionist took one look, grabbed the intercom and announced "Triage to reception, triage to reception". The vet bore him away and I pulled myself together by sitting in a puddle of tears. An hour or so of waiting and I was ready to poke out my own eye. Finally the vet came out to break the news. We've had to remove his right fore-leg. Umm, I brought him in with a lacerated eyeball. I think you've made a mistake, I'm going to need you to put that back.
So then they brought me in to see him and I redirected them to the right cat - he was doped up on morphine and completely in love with me. Rubbing his manky, crusty, half eye on me (yet to be removed, scheduled for the op in the morning), I was ready just to write-off being a parent. The eye was removed, the eyelid cut back and six months later the fur grew over the top of it and you'd never know there used to be an eye there. He certainly doesn't. In fact he forgot about twenty minutes after the removed it which makes me question his intelligence a little. Which is mean because as a parent, you're supposed to think yours are the bestest and smartest as evidenced by those car stickers "My kid is an honor roll student at XXX school". Thinking of getting one for Albert "My cat lost his eye but even before that happened he was dumber than your honor roll kid but he's a cat so it's not a very good comparison and maybe your kid isn't that smart if he's only smarter than a one-eyed cat. Catchy, right?
So, the only side effects I've noticed are when I'm on his left side and I call him, he can't figure out where the voice is coming from. Soon as he turns his head, he's all "Oh hey - what's up".
*Not true. Contrary to popular belief, Albert's eye did not fall out one day. Also for those who are wondering, it hasn't grown back.
**Also not true but sounds good.
*** Again, a lie. Albert doesn't have a house, he's a cat. He doesn't even have pockets to put his house key in.
**** His name wasn't Franco, it was "cat". He's feral, feral cats don't care about names, they care about ripping eyeballs out.
 |
| Eyes Wide Shut |
 |
| Both open except that one of them is no longer in his eye socket |
No comments:
Post a Comment