Fondant
in a thousand different flavors, a fondant lifty uppy thing, fondant
smoothy thing, leopard print duct tape sheets (to tape the cake together
if things go horribly wrong) and fondant cutter. Apparently different
from a knife and therefore essential.
So things went well - started at 6pm, ended at 3am, was ready to be done at 7pm. Now, that I am a master baker and decorator*, I feel I can share some tips:
- Get everything ready and have different stations for each stage of the process. Visit the wine station first.
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| Hands-free wine |
- Safety first - do not decorate when angry or in an angry place. No one got hit by a rolling pin but I did feel threatened and in an unsafe environment at times.
- Do not give advice. You will get smacked in the head by a spatula**. Constructive criticism only works when you constructively criticize yourself and even that never goes well for me.
- Toothpicks are your friend. Just because you use your mind to keep a cake element in place, does not mean it will. Please eat the cake carefully - it will not be like looking for a needle in a haystack, unless the cake is the needle.
- When dying white fondant to another color, you will reach a point when you think the color will never even out. You will be right.
- If you select yellow fondant and think you can make it better by adding more yellow. You are wrong. So you will add orange. And then you will try and correct that by adding brown. Then you will start over.
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| Hepatitis Hands |
- Before rolling fondant. Stretch.
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| Before we started rolling, our arms were flabby and un-toned. We owe everything to fondant. |
- Before rolling fondant. Get someone else to do it
- While rolling fondant your arms will get tired. Just quit.
- While rolling fondant, wear a headband. It will stop you from getting salty fondant.
- When lifting fondant to drape on the cake, it will go badly.
- When lifting fondant to drape on the cake, keep in mind that you will do this several times. Then you will just accept that sticking fondant lumps on as patches is not standard practice but you no longer care.
- Part way through you will look at what you have made and realize that you have made an egg. Your theme is jungle.
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| Caution: Not a real egg |
Finally you will finish. The end result:
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| Made a zebra/giraffe cake. Put ears on it. |
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| Photo bomb: Level Giraffe |
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| Her son has just started pre-school and they're having a bake sale - so while the other mothers show up with banana bread loaves, Schmistine, will show up with this. Just a little something she whipped up the night before. Take that, other mothers. |
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| For those that think this is amazing, you are right. I did an amazing job. While I may not have done the actual decorating, I was there every step of the way giving advice, constructive criticism, eating the fondant, rolling out fondant to replace what I just ate, fixing holes I made after careless rolling pin placement, holding the hot glue gun and I must have rolled fondant for it for a good 10 seconds. |
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| Cake is totally edible. Cardboard, rhinestones and glue will probably not have a detrimental effect on you. Eat at your own risk. Step aside fondant, this is case for glue. |
So, I think we can call this hobby a success...and infinitely better than any of these...
Does anyone want to eat this? Worst baby shower cake ever
Sometimes it works better in your head...execution is difficult
Why you never relay the message over the phone
*Self-appointed
**Rubber ones hurt more than wooden
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